A Small Lifetime

I feel like it's been forever since I posted last.

All kinds of stuff to report. I am looking to buy a home (condo, but it would still be my home), I've now put depo #4 in the books, and my friend Sarah's birthday is tonight and we're going to a comedy club! Lots of good things.

The thing about the home is that I've been having sticker shock. I found one place that I could technically afford, but it would mean changing my lifestyle too much. So I've decided that it's not for me. I've shifted my thinking. I mean, I didn't start out in a Mercedes. I own a Pontiac. So why should I go for a Mercedes instead of a Pontiac when it comes to my first place. It's comfortably affordable. And I'm comfortable with that for the time being.

And I mean, it's still huge. I'm 30, a lawyer at a kick ass firm, and am buying my first home. And I'm even doing it on my own - no husband, not being handed the place by rich parents. It's going to be MINE. I'm excited about that.

Alright, back to work. :-)

Lap Dances and Life Advice

I am grateful each and every Sunday for my S Factor class. (sfactor.com) I get to see my sisters, my friends, women who are supportive of me, don't judge, and who encourage and uplift me. So I'm really looking forward to go to class tonight. My legs are sore from last night's lap dance class, but still really looking forward to it.

I'm likewise looking forward to a light lunch and fabulous conversation with my friend/mentor tonight. She's fun, spunky, and a little ball of fire. She's a wonderful example of what a human being should be. I can't wait to see her. She invited me to her home and I can't wait to enjoy her hospitality. She's also a lawyer but is winding down her practice. She's more of a life mentor to me than a legal one, and that's just fine with me. She is so giving and insightful. I can't wait!

Hope the rest of you are having as good a time as I will be!

Like a Divorce?

A dear, dear friend of mine (with whom I commiserated on many occasions about the stupid Bar exam) is gearing up to take it yet again this month. Bless his heart, I think this is attempt number 8. And it got me thinking about how he's essentially married to the Bar exam. Stuck in a loveless, unhealthy, passive-aggressive marriage. He needs to just make up his mind that the exam doesn't need him, that his blog followers don't need him, and that he's far better off without her ("her" being the Bar exam). Just be done with her, I say. You can then move on and be married to a job, one where you start out with rocky times but then develop into a loving and supportive relationship, one where you can flourish and grow. I just feel like he's being stifled by this damn exam, tethered to a sinking ship.

Just crush it this time and be done! Break a leg, friend.

2 Years And Counting

I guess it's time for a little reflection. Just over 2 years ago, I was sworn in as a lawyer. Some days it feels like an eternity ago, others it feels like only last week.

I suppose I should take stock of the things that have been part of my life for the last two years. A dear, dear friend and I had battles of atomic proportions, but now he and I are closer than we've ever been. My bff got engaged to a man I'm not convinced is good enough for her. (It's not necessarily any fault of his - I don't know if anyone would be good enough for her.) I have a case on appeal to the 9th Circuit. I joined a firm, lost a couple MSJ oppositions, won roughly 10. I've worked with clients who are truly grateful and deserving and others who are self-centered ingrates. For those who are selfish and ungrateful, I try to focus on the fact that I'm still doing justice. Those who are humble and grateful remind me that the job is still worth doing.

A friend has a daughter who is growing by the minute, and another was married and is now pregnant with her first. Alas, I am still unmarried and without a family.

I've had unusual and scary health issues.

I admit that I've neglected myself and have killed myself trying to get more work done. I also admit that I'm pretty much done doing that. My health and my body are more important than that. I need to listen to her more often and we'll both be better off.

I suppose that's all I've got for now. All in all, I am a very proud and lucky lawyer. That's what I've learned in the last two years.

WTF?

I apologize in advance, but I'm speaking in generalities and stereotypes.

Why do men think women are the enigmas when clearly it is the adult male who is all screwed up? Why tell me you want to get together this weekend, then tell me the morning after we were going to get together that you're sorry and were feeling bad about the holidays? Do you want me to chase you? Mother you? Feel sorry for you? Feel bad that you didn't call? Yeah, see, I had forgotten that you were going to call me and already had plans.

I just don't get it. I feel like texting him back and saying "No, you thought and were hoping something 'better' would come along and were hoping I would stay in a holding pattern until you decided you wanted me. Sorry, but that's not how life works." But I try very hard to not be mean until and unless warranted. It doesn't do anyone any good although it may feel good in the moment. I suppose that's what being an adult feels like. Not snapping the neck of a poor defenseless idiot just because you can.

But now remains the question - How do I respond? Do I respond at all?

Questions for the ages, I suppose...

Wow

So, I'm sorry it's been so long I didn't even remember. Honestly, I only sign on from home, and I haven't used my own computer since August. Work seems to be where I spend most of my time.

Monday will be my 1 year anniversary of being on staff at my office. I love it, though I wish there was a staffing change. Wow, computer acting up. Have to shut down. Guess it was good I was only briefly on!

Grown Ups

I really do love my job. I love making a difference in the lives of people who have been wronged. It's a big deal. Now, there is a scheduling conflict with our office calendar. We have a deposition and a court appearance on the same day...both on the same day which I have been scheduled off for months so that I could go to Vegas. Not cool. I really need the day off, all my trip is already paid for and not refundable. I am sincerely praying I don't have to cancel my trip. Not only would it be expensive, but it would take its toll on me emotionally. I need to replenish my soul, sleep when I want, and not think about my cases at all. Fingers crossed that I won't have to make that decision.

11 Days and Still Counting...

So I really need a vacation. I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm in dire need of some rest and relaxation. I've missed two days of work in the last two weeks, but it was because of a migraine and strep throat. Not exactly restful or relaxing. Will be done with my course of antibiotics before I take off on the 21st, so I couldn't be happier. It is going to go exactly as planned - fun, booze, Viva Elvis, naps, sunshine, more booze, more fun...it's going to be perfect! I miss you, Vegas. Don't worry doll. I'll be there soon.

36 Days and Counting

Yep, 36 days until Las Vegas. Think I'm already ready to go? You're 100% correct. I NEED a vacation. I'm swamped, overwhelmed, and freaking out a bit. Ready to be there already. Beyond ready.

Who Knew?

Who knew I was capable of sleeping 12 hours a day (no, not continuous but still totals 12)? I'm really not the kind who can sleep in. My body clock gets me sleepy around the same time every day and wakes me up around the same time. Turns out that I am capable of hitting my body's snooze button several times and sleeping a full 12 hours in a 24 hour period.

So I'm still on my (literal) ass-kicking journey to shed unnecessary pounds. It seems to be going well so far. It quite nicely coincides with my exercise classes (pole dancing!) wherein I focus on my breathing, my body's reaction to music, and my enjoying time off for 2 full hours every Sunday night. I deeply enjoy these classes. Men aren't allowed in the building and there are no mirrors in the room. I am able to escape to an entirely internal place for 2 hours. I force my cases out of my mind. For 2 hours, they aren't important. It's just me, dim red light, and no judgment. No judgment from myself or from others. I love it! Who knew all I needed was a bunch of women, sexy music, and my hair down while I writhe to sexy music to like exercising!

It's also kinda weird how my thoughts on sexy music have changed. The class forces me to slow down, forces me to love my curves, forces me to be selfish. My outlook on sexy is changing, and oddly enough, I'm still absolutely in love with the super high heels and feeling sexy in them.

Alright. I spent today sleeping in, lazing around, and did a TON of laundry. While doing laundry I read my new book. Now, I'm going to kick back, watch a movie, and have another indulgent evening with my fabulous self. I'm also making a mental shift of what constitutes "indulgence." It doesn't have to be decadent food - it can be a 2 hour pole dance class, a nice glass of wine, an hour with my book... It is what I want to define it to be. It's liberating and fabulous!

Lawyer Stats

Lawyers are allegedly more likely to be overweight, depressed, drug and alcohol abusers, and commit suicide than any other profession. That's right, folks. We've even surpassed the dreaded dentist.

I'm not depressed (I was during law school), don't abuse drugs or alcohol, am not contemplating suicide, but I am overweight. I was thinking about semantics and maybe why Americans are generally overweight. I think, at least for me, the words have gotten in the way in the past. I hate to "lose." Losing a motion, a trial, etc., are awful things. They stink. I've never been good at losing, be it cards, games, whatever. So it was hard to wrap my mind around losing being a good thing.

That's why I've decided to stop thinking about it and using the word "lose." I'm shedding, beating, winning, or something else. So, fingers crossed! It has started off on a positive note!

So You're a Lawyer...Now What?

I spent an astronomical amount of time and energy (both mental and physical) trying to get through law school without downing a handful of pills, and then encountered the exact same sentiments when I failed the Bar. Not the first time because I honestly didn't deserve to pass, but the second time, when I missed passing by a gnat's eyelash (or, in translation, LESS than one [expletive] MBE question - and no, I don't know how that's possible). That was the worst feeling I think I've ever encountered. I deserved it and didn't get it.

So I'm a lawyer now and I'm spending a crazy amount of time and energy trying to be a "good" one. I'm putting in hours that would terrify the average person. I'm now a regular at my dry cleaner's with all the suits and business shirts for court appearances and depositions. I asked for more responsibility, and boy have they responded, hence the frequent trips to the dry cleaner. And I'm pretty sure I can blame the hours I work on neglecting my blog.

So I took stock of what else I was neglecting and realized when I stepped on the scale yesterday at the doctor's office that it's ME that I've been neglecting. My blood pressure is excellent, cholesterol is fantastic, everything is great except my weight. I've never been this heavy in my life. So I decided to take positive steps towards health. Am I scared, you say? Terrified. I am afraid I can't do this. I'm afraid I'll fail, give up, walk away, and someday hit 300 pounds. Success is what motivates me and failure is what terrifies me, so you can see how this would be conducive to a total meltdown, especially since I have an opposition to a motion for summary adjudication due Tuesday. Yikes.

But I decided to start today. I signed up with a weight loss program and wrapped my mind around doing it. And my BFF has been so supportive that I could give her an open-mouthed kiss. The first week will undoubtedly be the hardest and I know I'll be cranky. But what's a week of cranky compared to feeling better? So here goes! Wish me luck.

Dancing with the "Stars"

I don't watch DWTS because I think these "celebrities" have any particular skill for dancing. I also don't watch it because the music is good - because it REALLY isn't. I watch it for the train wreck effect. The music is awful and the dancing is likewise sub-par. And it's like the people in the audience take the "criticism" by the "expert judges" personally. Seriously? They're all a joke.

I've had a rough day. Motion to vacate arbitration award procured by fraud was denied and client didn't get justice. On the other hand, we defeated a MSJ in another case. Either way, I still can't help but feel like justice and the whole judicial system suffered.

Anyway, I'm going to curl up in my big cozy blankies, watch the train wreck that is DWTS, and face tomorrow with dignity and hope. Oh yeah, and I'm having my taxes done on Thursday. Or, if it's not a possibility to get them finished, I'm getting an extension.

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

I'm not a fan of earthquakes. I'm not really a fan of most natural disaster-type occurrences, truth be told. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop and wondered if I was suddenly feeling dizzy or something. Then my cat looked up at me like I had tossed her in a bathtub with a toaster. She was completely freaked out. My other cat, who was laying on my tv asleep, lifted her head, looked around, and put her head back down.

This was a particularly long earthquake. It started shaking, kept shaking, kept shaking, and finally stopped. I was less than pleased. Granted, earthquakes scare me less than when I was in the mid-west, the power would be out for hours, and there would be a tornado watch or warning. I HATE earthquakes too.

So I thought of my friend who I knew was at his office. He's in Century City and on the 17th floor. I called to make sure he was okay. He was, but was also a little freaked out. This was the first time he was just by himself in his office during an earthquake. Funny though. He was in a deposition during another recent earthquake. The somewhat skiddish court reporter said "we're having an earthquake" and put it on the record.

So I'm reminiscing about the last time there was an earthquake that freaked me out. I think we've had three since the Bar-quake. I've been home for 2 now and was in my car for another one. Maybe this is a good sign for my favorite Bar taking friend. Maybe the quake means he passed this time. Here's hoping anyway.

We're fine. Both cats are already sleeping again by the time this post was done. So I guess it can't be that bad. But I do need to get a better/updated earthquake kit. Since we've had 4 in the last 2 years, I really need to do that.

Late, Late, Late

It's a strange situation - the earlier I wake up the later I am for work. Very strange relationship.

So I stopped taking my migraine prevention medicine. I couldn't take the side-effects any more. So I am back to having pretty constant pressure in my head. I'm switching to a vitamin regimen in the hopes that it helps.

And who else loves Dr. Nancy Snyderman (of the Today Show) for saying that the new study that came out claiming women need to exercise at least an hour a day to maintain their weight is STUPID. She said a half hour a day is plenty, but I defy any professional woman to find a half hour for exercise, 10 minutes to get clothes changed and bag ready to go, 20 mins to and from the gym, and time for a second shower a day. Yeah, I know. Excuses excuses. I'm just trying to mentally adjust to actually dragging my tail to the gym on a more regular basis.

I better go. I'm going to be like an hour late.

A Man Walked into a Bar...

A friend of mine is sitting for the Bar again this week. As a repeater myself, I know what torture and hell awaits him (and any other repeater).

A repeater is a special kind of Bar examinee. The repeater is filled with angst about already feeling like a failure, fearing that gut ripping feeling again, and you kinda wanna smack anyone who looks like they're 19. (The first time I sat for the Bar, there was a girl there who still had a blue stripe on her driver's license, meaning that she was around 18 years old. B*tch. But I digress...)

So, knowing the fear and terror that you surely feel, let me offer you this piece of advice - don't sweat it.

Another Year Older

It's been two months since my last post. It feels like a confession. The thing is that I have stopped using my laptop as my primary mode of computer use and use my office a lot. So much has happened - Christmas was kind of a nightmare, 3 oppositions to MSJ's, New Year's was challenging to say the least, my birthday came and went, my best friend didn't send me a birthday card (but her mother did), and a good family friend passed away on Saturday so I will be going to her funeral tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I was hit by a hit and run driver and my mom has a hairline fracture in her arm and I had a few discs and my hip pushed out of place. I'm taking my car into the shop today to get it fixed.

I think you're pretty much caught up now. Another year older but am I wiser? Is anyone? I think I've certainly learned some legal lessons, but I'll be damned if I know what lesson I'm supposed to learn from 4 people who have touched my life dying within the span of a year.

Running late to get my car to the shop. Please drive safely! Who knows what kind of wackos are out there...

Christmas Gifts

A friend of mine has...how should I say this tactfully...expensive tastes when it comes to her Christmas list. I've teased her about it and even commented on her blog, though for some reason my comment does not appear on her blog. Hmm.

Anyhoo, it got me thinking about the kinds of things that I would like for Christmas. I would actually like a boyfriend. I've been emailing with two of my lawyer friends and said it shouldn't be too difficult to find a decent guy who makes his own money, is intelligent, isn't threatened by the fact that I'm a lawyer, and isn't looking for a stick thin, brain dead Barbie doll. It "shouldn't be" too difficult. Yeah. Right. Then again, I also don't know where to look. I don't want to find a guy in a bar. How many meaningful relationships do you know of that start in a bar? Exactly.

I would really like things that can't be purchased. I would really like the 9th Circuit to grant my client's appeal of the judge's decision to grant MSJ against her, but that might be a year or so away. I would really like the defendant to not oppose my fee petition in my arbitration - that probably won't happen but could happen (if the stars align and God smiles on me), and that could actually happen by Christmas. I would like to have my own place, but no one is going to come up with $15k a year for an apartment (on the very low end out here) or $400k for a condo (again on the very low end) for me to have digs.

Oh! This just in! Apparently Tiger Woods just admitted to cheating on his website. Everyone should learn the lesson from David Letterman - get ahead of the scandal if possible. Take the power out of the tsunami. Just my two cents.

Anyway, back to my post.

So I'm looking for a decent guy for Christmas. No need to even put him under the tree. In his car, in a restaurant, in an office, somewhere else is fine.

Sweat, Baby, Sweat

I've been thinking about off the wall song lyrics lately, and I just re-joined the gym yesterday and thought about going today. I didn't go, for the record, but I considered it which is a step in the right direction. I also put "buy a new padlock" on my to-do list for tomorrow, so I'm on the right track. I also looked up the group work out list at my local gym, and think I'll go on Tuesday morning if I get the padlock tomorrow. It's better than nothing.

So, the title of this post is a wink and a nudge to the Bloodhound Gang song lyrics from about ten years ago and their one hit wonder glory. I always liked getting on the treadmill and just letting go, listening to my Ipod, letting my head feel much clearer. It always made me feel like I was working stuff out in my head. I never liked showering there because I felt gross in the cold shower, but I now that I think about it, I guess I don't need a lock if I am not going to shower there. But I don't want to go there, come back home and then go to the office. I'd rather shower there and go to the office. So I'll buy the lock and go.

Anyway, a house about 2 blocks from mine caught fire today. It was scary and I feel terrible for them. I left for the laundromat and was only gone about an hour and a half. I drove right by the house on my way there, and by the time I got back the firefighters already put it out and were packing up. I have no idea how it happened so quickly, and the craziest part is that I never saw or smelled smoke during any part of the day. But thankfully, I heard that no one was hurt, but it looks like the whole house was gutted and that the roof is destroyed and it will probably have to be torn down. It's so sad. It makes me grateful for having the minimum things of life - a home to go to, even with its frustrations and problems. It's a home, and my biggest frustration right now is figuring out when to go to the gym. I'm very blessed and very thankful, especially at this time of year, for my blessings. We should all be thankful for such things.

Shop Town USA

I am an admitted Black Friday shopper. I have no plans for recovery or stopping. You may think it's a sickness and you'd be wrong.

I bought several hundred dollars worth of pretty pretty clothes for myself yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I also bought things for everyone else on my Christmas list as well, but I needed work clothes. So the cool things I bought for everyone else included pretty baby clothes for a friend who is about to have a little one, a cool electronic gadget for my niece's ipod, a down-alternative comforter for my sister, some clothes for my mom, and I already bought a cool thing for my Dad. Either way, I bought a lot of stuff and I think I'm pretty much done with my shopping. Hooray!