The February bar exam is rapidly approaching. I'm just ecstatic that I don't ever have to go through it again. I'd rather sleep on rocks for a month than sit for the bar. I'd rather have invasive medical procedures. At least with that they give you the good drugs.
Anyway, I don't know how many people read this blog, let alone how many are sitting for the bar. Unlike my other blogger friends, I don't have a counter. Frankly, I don't need to know who's reading it. While I write some entries to hopefully help others who are suffering through the bar, mostly, it's an outlet for my expression that I can't release elsewhere.
For those who are sitting for the bar, I wish you nothing but luck. I don't wish you good study sessions, easy questions, or anything of the like. I wish you luck. I never would have passed the bar had I not gotten lucky. Had they tested civil procedure and other subjects that weren't necessarily my strong suit, I wouldn't have been lucky. Since I work at a commercial real estate litigation firm, I was BEYOND lucky when they tested contracts, contracts remedies, and real property. Likewise, I was prepared for the ethics questions (one was similar to a situation I encountered at work). Straight up luck. I passed despite that weird executive powers/criminal law question. I passed despite the mother of God difficult MBE.
Luck. All there is to it.
So I wish you tons of luck. Good luck!!!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
No Alibi
Some people are physically ugly. This is one of the reasons that the book "Such a Pretty Fat" caught my eye originally. I'm tired of people saying I have a pretty face. Hence, the weight loss journey.
But I'm watching Miss America right now, and I'm SHOCKED at how ugly some of these women are. Granted, they're probably smart, funny, caring, goal-oriented women. But really? Many could benefit from some cosmetic surgery. Nose job should be priority one for some of these girls.
Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any stretch of the imagination. As you know, I'm overweight. But my nose doesn't resemble a lightning bolt, my eyes are so far apart that they're beyond the corners of my mouth, and my chin isn't so weak that it looks like my nose could slide down the front of my face. Miss USA, the beauty contest run by the Trump organization, is a true beauty contest. Those girls are knockouts. But the Miss America pageant has ventured far from its roots as a beauty contest and has pretended that the people watching are looking for something other than pretty girls in bikinis and heels.
One of my chubby girl pastimes is watching women who think they're attractive. I indulge this by watching America's Next Top Model. Seeing hungry women have their bitchiness amplified is near heaven. Granted, I prefer judging the fashion on pageants than the faces, it must be said that many of these women are the quintessential "butter-faces." Translation: "She's got a great body, but her face is not."
Now off to judge these women who can't wait until later tonight so they can finally dig their faces into cheeseburgers, steaks, ice cream, donuts, and all of the other great food that is available in abundance in Mecca, aka Vegas.
But I'm watching Miss America right now, and I'm SHOCKED at how ugly some of these women are. Granted, they're probably smart, funny, caring, goal-oriented women. But really? Many could benefit from some cosmetic surgery. Nose job should be priority one for some of these girls.
Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any stretch of the imagination. As you know, I'm overweight. But my nose doesn't resemble a lightning bolt, my eyes are so far apart that they're beyond the corners of my mouth, and my chin isn't so weak that it looks like my nose could slide down the front of my face. Miss USA, the beauty contest run by the Trump organization, is a true beauty contest. Those girls are knockouts. But the Miss America pageant has ventured far from its roots as a beauty contest and has pretended that the people watching are looking for something other than pretty girls in bikinis and heels.
One of my chubby girl pastimes is watching women who think they're attractive. I indulge this by watching America's Next Top Model. Seeing hungry women have their bitchiness amplified is near heaven. Granted, I prefer judging the fashion on pageants than the faces, it must be said that many of these women are the quintessential "butter-faces." Translation: "She's got a great body, but her face is not."
Now off to judge these women who can't wait until later tonight so they can finally dig their faces into cheeseburgers, steaks, ice cream, donuts, and all of the other great food that is available in abundance in Mecca, aka Vegas.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Rod Stewart Was Right
I admit that I'm a fan of SOME of his work. I particularly liked Broken Arrow (or whatever it is that song is titled). Well, I met with a personal trainer on Tuesday, and I kinda wanted to kill her. My shoulders and chest are still in pain. I can't wash my hands without saying "ouch!" But I told her something that got me thinking: "I am sexy." Then I thought about Rod Stewart's classic. "If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy..." That's exactly it! I am sexy, but my body is very separate. My mind is super sexy. I'm adventurous, willing to try almost anything, and very willing to please. But my body is getting in the way of people finding out how sexy I am.
Who knew that Rod Stewart was so wise?
Who knew that Rod Stewart was so wise?
Monday, January 19, 2009
Eve
On the eve of the inauguration, I'm forced to think about a few things. Indulge me.
1. A neighbor of mine was in her car the other day looking pretty sad. My mother approached her to make sure everything was okay. She said she was fine; she was just sad while listening to Bush's farewell address. I'm still perplexed at how an educated person can think he did good things, or at least enough to count on more than one hand. (Preserving some wildlife, and creating a program to help government employees pay off their student loans...that's all I can think of, all of which is vastly outweighed by the 2 wars, unprecedented unemployment and stock market tank, etc.)
2. A new year, another year older. Yes, I had a birthday. I like birthdays, as you must know. But it made me reflect even more than usual. I dyed my hair, I started taking the gym seriously, my weight loss journey continues. I'm also realizing my own mortality. I feel like I'm at the start of something new in my own life, my personal life. No man to speak of, but I don't need a man. Sometimes he would be a nice accessory though.
3. Layoffs are scary. My dad was recently laid off, and it terrifies me. The biggest problem is that I don't know that there's anything I can do to help. While it's total crap, I don't know if there's anything I can do as a lawyer. I doubt it's actionable. I'm going to do a bit more research, but I think it would likely be best for him to sign the waiver and take the crappy 3 weeks severance package.
4. I thought about writing a letter to our incoming president. And I was also thinking about telling off Mrs. Biden. Joe Biden's wife gave a speech in which she stated that Joe Biden was offered his choice of Secretary of State or VP. He chose. Um, that's insulting to Hillary, and I also don't believe it to be true. Frankly, I think Hillary and Obama had a "come to Jesus" meeting the night before Hillary conceded. If anyone got to pick, it was her. So shut your mouth, Mrs. Biden. Hillary would have been a great president, and you should kiss her butt and thank your lucky stars that she did the graceful thing and backed down rather than splitting the ticket.
5. The letter to Obama. I'm not sure what I would say. I could ask him to re-establish the hope and pride that this country once had in excess. I remind him to wear bullet proof everything because he is now the world's largest target, second perhaps only to Osama bin Laden. The reality is that change is scary to everyone, and this kind of change is threatening to some peoples' way of life and jaded ideals. I am scared that some wacko is going to try to harm him, and I would give my own life to make sure that didn't happen.
I would remind him that it is far more important to a thriving society that people get higher education than get into mortgages they can't afford. $18,500 per year is not even half of what law school costs, yet that is the maximum federal loans you can get. Also, I pay about $10,000 per year in interest ALONE on my student loans. I should be able to write off every dime of that. Getting an education is responsible and should be rewarded. Getting in over my head and not being realistic about how much (a) a property is worth, and/or (b) what kind of mortgage I can afford is NOT responsible and should not be rewarded.
Hillary is right about health care. It should be available and affordable. It's not. We need to change that.
There goes that word "change" again. You ran your campaign on it. Keep in mind that the word itself is enough to raise many peoples' blood pressure. But it's necessary. Rip the bandaid off so you can start to help healing the wound. We've been wounded for the last 8 years, and it won't happen over night. Don't be discouraged. We will bitch and moan and complain and resist. We'll plead and cry and try to avoid it. But, like a parent with a child in the dentist's chair, you know it needs to be done, that it will be done, and that we will eventually thank you for it. It's because you love and care about us. Lead us where we need to go.
6. On the eve of my career, I met with a client today. Even though I can't take her case right now, I told her I could help her in a limited way. About a half hour after the meeting, I was in my car and I realized that something amazing happened. A light finally clicked on. I was comfortable advising a client, giving advice, and laying out her options. I was completely prepared to perform some of the tasks I offered her as options. It hit me - I wasn't trying to do what I thought a lawyer would do or say. I WAS the lawyer. It was natural, organic. It was me. It was the first time I was comfortable with that idea. And I'm so lucky. And I'm over the moon that my confidence can start to grow.
1. A neighbor of mine was in her car the other day looking pretty sad. My mother approached her to make sure everything was okay. She said she was fine; she was just sad while listening to Bush's farewell address. I'm still perplexed at how an educated person can think he did good things, or at least enough to count on more than one hand. (Preserving some wildlife, and creating a program to help government employees pay off their student loans...that's all I can think of, all of which is vastly outweighed by the 2 wars, unprecedented unemployment and stock market tank, etc.)
2. A new year, another year older. Yes, I had a birthday. I like birthdays, as you must know. But it made me reflect even more than usual. I dyed my hair, I started taking the gym seriously, my weight loss journey continues. I'm also realizing my own mortality. I feel like I'm at the start of something new in my own life, my personal life. No man to speak of, but I don't need a man. Sometimes he would be a nice accessory though.
3. Layoffs are scary. My dad was recently laid off, and it terrifies me. The biggest problem is that I don't know that there's anything I can do to help. While it's total crap, I don't know if there's anything I can do as a lawyer. I doubt it's actionable. I'm going to do a bit more research, but I think it would likely be best for him to sign the waiver and take the crappy 3 weeks severance package.
4. I thought about writing a letter to our incoming president. And I was also thinking about telling off Mrs. Biden. Joe Biden's wife gave a speech in which she stated that Joe Biden was offered his choice of Secretary of State or VP. He chose. Um, that's insulting to Hillary, and I also don't believe it to be true. Frankly, I think Hillary and Obama had a "come to Jesus" meeting the night before Hillary conceded. If anyone got to pick, it was her. So shut your mouth, Mrs. Biden. Hillary would have been a great president, and you should kiss her butt and thank your lucky stars that she did the graceful thing and backed down rather than splitting the ticket.
5. The letter to Obama. I'm not sure what I would say. I could ask him to re-establish the hope and pride that this country once had in excess. I remind him to wear bullet proof everything because he is now the world's largest target, second perhaps only to Osama bin Laden. The reality is that change is scary to everyone, and this kind of change is threatening to some peoples' way of life and jaded ideals. I am scared that some wacko is going to try to harm him, and I would give my own life to make sure that didn't happen.
I would remind him that it is far more important to a thriving society that people get higher education than get into mortgages they can't afford. $18,500 per year is not even half of what law school costs, yet that is the maximum federal loans you can get. Also, I pay about $10,000 per year in interest ALONE on my student loans. I should be able to write off every dime of that. Getting an education is responsible and should be rewarded. Getting in over my head and not being realistic about how much (a) a property is worth, and/or (b) what kind of mortgage I can afford is NOT responsible and should not be rewarded.
Hillary is right about health care. It should be available and affordable. It's not. We need to change that.
There goes that word "change" again. You ran your campaign on it. Keep in mind that the word itself is enough to raise many peoples' blood pressure. But it's necessary. Rip the bandaid off so you can start to help healing the wound. We've been wounded for the last 8 years, and it won't happen over night. Don't be discouraged. We will bitch and moan and complain and resist. We'll plead and cry and try to avoid it. But, like a parent with a child in the dentist's chair, you know it needs to be done, that it will be done, and that we will eventually thank you for it. It's because you love and care about us. Lead us where we need to go.
6. On the eve of my career, I met with a client today. Even though I can't take her case right now, I told her I could help her in a limited way. About a half hour after the meeting, I was in my car and I realized that something amazing happened. A light finally clicked on. I was comfortable advising a client, giving advice, and laying out her options. I was completely prepared to perform some of the tasks I offered her as options. It hit me - I wasn't trying to do what I thought a lawyer would do or say. I WAS the lawyer. It was natural, organic. It was me. It was the first time I was comfortable with that idea. And I'm so lucky. And I'm over the moon that my confidence can start to grow.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
To Show or Not To Show
I met a guy online at an off the wall kind of dating site. It's strange how these things happen, isn't it?
Anyway, he sent me pictures of himself. He's a bit older than I generally date (I try to stay within 10 years, and he's 15 years older than I am). But I figured that it wouldn't be too much of a stretch, especially if he was intelligent, successful, independent, and other attributes I value in a mate. Intelligence is a deal breaker, as is financial independence. Looks? I'd rather be with someone I can carry on a conversation with than someone whose looks could impress others. They just don't matter that much to me and never have.
Well, so he asked for pictures of me. What? My charm and sexy phone voice aren't enough? Right. But he still wants pictures, and is apparently unwilling to continue chatting with me on the phone without said pictures. So I wonder: Should it matter to me that it matters so much to him? Am I being naive in assuming that looks don't matter to other people like they don't matter to me? Am I just freaked out about my weight? Probably all of the above.
I've decided to go ahead and send him a picture. My assistant took it today. Frankly, I think I look pretty good. Yes, I'm overweight and out of shape, but that's changing. I'm down 22 pounds now, and I think that's pretty damn good. I even started going to the gym again. I spent over an hour and a half there last night, and I might even go tomorrow before work (assuming I get my sleepy butt out of bed).
I'm well aware of the fact that, if he's unwilling to even consider the possibility of friendship because I'm presently overweight, he's a loser and it's totally his loss. But it still stings. It must be what people with scars on their faces feel like. The difference? Those people can use cover-up. There's only so many ways to camouflage fat.
Anyway, wish me luck! Or him, that is.
Anyway, he sent me pictures of himself. He's a bit older than I generally date (I try to stay within 10 years, and he's 15 years older than I am). But I figured that it wouldn't be too much of a stretch, especially if he was intelligent, successful, independent, and other attributes I value in a mate. Intelligence is a deal breaker, as is financial independence. Looks? I'd rather be with someone I can carry on a conversation with than someone whose looks could impress others. They just don't matter that much to me and never have.
Well, so he asked for pictures of me. What? My charm and sexy phone voice aren't enough? Right. But he still wants pictures, and is apparently unwilling to continue chatting with me on the phone without said pictures. So I wonder: Should it matter to me that it matters so much to him? Am I being naive in assuming that looks don't matter to other people like they don't matter to me? Am I just freaked out about my weight? Probably all of the above.
I've decided to go ahead and send him a picture. My assistant took it today. Frankly, I think I look pretty good. Yes, I'm overweight and out of shape, but that's changing. I'm down 22 pounds now, and I think that's pretty damn good. I even started going to the gym again. I spent over an hour and a half there last night, and I might even go tomorrow before work (assuming I get my sleepy butt out of bed).
I'm well aware of the fact that, if he's unwilling to even consider the possibility of friendship because I'm presently overweight, he's a loser and it's totally his loss. But it still stings. It must be what people with scars on their faces feel like. The difference? Those people can use cover-up. There's only so many ways to camouflage fat.
Anyway, wish me luck! Or him, that is.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Interview
I have an interview with a county prosecutor's office. It's a more remote county, and it's 120 miles from where I currently live. It made me think: Do I really want that kind of job? Do I want to move that far away? Granted, it's much closer to Vegas (which could potentially be dangerous), and I hear the men are redneck hicks. Slim pickings, and it's already hard enough to find a good man. So I'm going to the interview, but I don't think I want the job. I'll obviously have to think and pray on it. Maybe it's moot.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Nightmares
I haven't slept well in 3 days. Both because of lack of sleep and because of nightmares. I'm one of "those people" who need to get about 9 hours of sleep a day to function properly. I understand that most people don't need and/or get that much, but I need it to function at my best and brightest.
And the nightmares didn't help. I was dreaming I was being chased by gang members while I was in high school. Then all of a sudden, I was running while carrying my cat, Phoebe. I was running, hiding, playing dead, but was still running and trying to get away. It was terrifying. Hence, added to my lack of sleep.
I'm trying to figure out why I'm having these nightmares and what they mean. What is my subconscious trying to work out? Am I afraid I'm spreading myself too thinly with my office job and my own cases? Am I afraid of not being able to protect myself and the ones I love? Is it just a reflection of how I physically feel from the lack of sleep? Who knows? But any insight is welcome.
I'm about to try to go to sleep. I've been up since about 4:30 this morning. I tried to nap but couldn't. I got my hair dyed and cut today, and it's super cute! I'm hoping that this is the start of a new me. Since tomorrow's my birthday, I'm excited about the prospect of a party, even though I have to pay for it myself. My sis' hours have been cut back, my dad was laid off this week, and my mother is somehow happy to let me pay for my own birthday cake and dinner.
I'm NOT excited about the prospect of having to do WORK on my birthday, which is also on a weekend. But it needs to be done, and I hope that it brings me some peace of mind and completion.
So, on the eve of my birthday, I say to you that I'm truly grateful to all of my friends who have called and/or emailed to wish me a happy birthday. If you know me at all, you know I love my birthdays and frankly wish that people in my life would make a bigger deal about them. It's the only day of the year where people celebrate you, who you are, what you've accomplished, and just you with all your faults and fabulosity. Time for sleep. Hopefully it will usher in an amazing birthday! And no nightmares.
And the nightmares didn't help. I was dreaming I was being chased by gang members while I was in high school. Then all of a sudden, I was running while carrying my cat, Phoebe. I was running, hiding, playing dead, but was still running and trying to get away. It was terrifying. Hence, added to my lack of sleep.
I'm trying to figure out why I'm having these nightmares and what they mean. What is my subconscious trying to work out? Am I afraid I'm spreading myself too thinly with my office job and my own cases? Am I afraid of not being able to protect myself and the ones I love? Is it just a reflection of how I physically feel from the lack of sleep? Who knows? But any insight is welcome.
I'm about to try to go to sleep. I've been up since about 4:30 this morning. I tried to nap but couldn't. I got my hair dyed and cut today, and it's super cute! I'm hoping that this is the start of a new me. Since tomorrow's my birthday, I'm excited about the prospect of a party, even though I have to pay for it myself. My sis' hours have been cut back, my dad was laid off this week, and my mother is somehow happy to let me pay for my own birthday cake and dinner.
I'm NOT excited about the prospect of having to do WORK on my birthday, which is also on a weekend. But it needs to be done, and I hope that it brings me some peace of mind and completion.
So, on the eve of my birthday, I say to you that I'm truly grateful to all of my friends who have called and/or emailed to wish me a happy birthday. If you know me at all, you know I love my birthdays and frankly wish that people in my life would make a bigger deal about them. It's the only day of the year where people celebrate you, who you are, what you've accomplished, and just you with all your faults and fabulosity. Time for sleep. Hopefully it will usher in an amazing birthday! And no nightmares.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Sicko
I've been sick for just over a week. It hit me out of the blue and took me down like a ton of bricks. Cold? Flu? Both? Who knows. And before I was sick, my kitty was sick. She was at the vet, IV fluids, antibiotic injections, etc. Cats are an expensive proposition. But my girls, Phoebe and Cheeto, are like my children. How could I just let them be sick and not care?
Anyway, this should explain the long delay in not blogging. I apologize. Had I had my way, I would have been super healthy, my cat would have stayed healthy, and I would have blogged relentlessly. But that's not how it worked out.
So merry Christmas, Hanukkah, new year, and anything else you had to celebrate.
One week from today I'll be celebrating my birthday. I'm a HUGE fan of birthdays and I firmly believe they are under-celebrated. I love my birthday. I hope this nagging remnant of a cough is gone by then and I'm feeling relatively back to normal.
Well, I have a ton of stuff to get done today. I have to draft a Complaint, some discovery demands, laundry, dry cleaning (if he's there today), shower, unpacking, etc. (The unpacking is due to the fact that I went to our timeshare last night and came back up today. Hopefully I'll be able to run down there for a day or two this week.)
So have a fabulous remainder of the weekend, week, and new year. 2008, for me, mostly sucked. Frankly, I'd like to forget most of it. But then again, I passed the bar, was sworn in, was brought on by a friend and (now) colleague to handle a couple cases of my own, and I lost a little weight. But ALL of that happened during November and December, so I really think that most of 2008 was rough. Hopefully, 2009 will bring all of us blessings, excitement, and contentment.
Happy New Year!
Anyway, this should explain the long delay in not blogging. I apologize. Had I had my way, I would have been super healthy, my cat would have stayed healthy, and I would have blogged relentlessly. But that's not how it worked out.
So merry Christmas, Hanukkah, new year, and anything else you had to celebrate.
One week from today I'll be celebrating my birthday. I'm a HUGE fan of birthdays and I firmly believe they are under-celebrated. I love my birthday. I hope this nagging remnant of a cough is gone by then and I'm feeling relatively back to normal.
Well, I have a ton of stuff to get done today. I have to draft a Complaint, some discovery demands, laundry, dry cleaning (if he's there today), shower, unpacking, etc. (The unpacking is due to the fact that I went to our timeshare last night and came back up today. Hopefully I'll be able to run down there for a day or two this week.)
So have a fabulous remainder of the weekend, week, and new year. 2008, for me, mostly sucked. Frankly, I'd like to forget most of it. But then again, I passed the bar, was sworn in, was brought on by a friend and (now) colleague to handle a couple cases of my own, and I lost a little weight. But ALL of that happened during November and December, so I really think that most of 2008 was rough. Hopefully, 2009 will bring all of us blessings, excitement, and contentment.
Happy New Year!
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