Something Like Life?

I was at work today. I billed about 6 hours, but was painfully bored to tears the entire 8. I spent more time than I probably should have spent looking online for Vegas deals. I finally decided enough was enough, and that the deal I have is good enough. Since the female friend I'm going with is very cash conscious, we're staying at a moderate hotel. I refuse to stay somewhere like Sahara or Stratosphere, so we're staying somewhere above those and below like a NYNY or MGM. It's clean, safe, and not a bad location. So what more do you really need?

Even though I'm relatively low on funds right now, I had to book a spa appointment. I NEED one. So I booked it. I am really looking forward to the whole trip, from the drive there to the drive back, but I'm really looking forward to the massage. Mmm...the thought of it is really sexy.

So work is tedious and mundane. And it's not usually this bad, but all of the things I have to do are boring. It's not so bad when I've got a bunch of mundane stuff and a couple exciting things. But everything right now is mundane. And I have a federal court thing due Friday, but it's mostly done. I'm looking forward to finishing it because it's my first federal e-filed document. But it's still kind of blah.

Is this my life? Is this what I thought it was going to be like being a lawyer? Is this the hard part? The easy part? Am I supposed to be bored? I've been reflecting on my life more lately, probably because a friend from high school was recently murdered. What if I died tomorrow? Would I be satisfied? Would I be left with a bunch of "I wish I had" or "Why didn't I"? Maybe I'm just really tired of dealing with a bunch of every day crap and not taking enough time to enjoy the things I like. Maybe I should go buy those D&G shoes I was so in love with. Maybe I just need to take it one step at a time and try not to get too stir crazy about Vegas.

But it's hard to focus on anything else when the mother ship is calling me home...

Maybe I'm channeling my friends who are sitting for the bar right now. If you take a minute to read this, I want you to know that I'm praying for you and sending you positive thoughts. I am pulling for you! Go get 'em!

Cash Poor

This is a bad time for me to be short on funds. I'm going to Vegas next weekend. A week from today, I will be there and hopefully will have already consumed about 4 cocktails. I need a vacation from reality. I know, I know - the bar is next week, and I know (all too well) how the people sitting for it could use a vacay more than me. But I still need one.

There is something wrong with my car. I have to take it in tomorrow. Crap. But I guess this is just one more thing from which I need a vacation.

I got new glasses today. I lost my glasses, which I've had for about 7 years. I suppose it was time for a new pair anyway. Turns out my prescription is stronger now, so it's good I went in. But that was expensive. And since it was only like $70 bucks more for the Versace frames which I liked better and fit me better, I went ahead and upgraded.

It just feels like I'm hemorrhaging cash.

Costly Day

I need new tires. I think they'll have to wait until my next paycheck. I also had a SHOCK today when I discovered that I wasn't licensed in the federal bar. "Um, what?" Apparently, they lost and/or never processed my paperwork. So I had to fill out the application (only 2 pages) and pay the $185 before I could file my documents. So I technically was licensed for about 20 minutes when I filed my first federal documents. Crazy, I know. So it was expensive but worthwhile. Now I just really want to work hard this week so I can go nutty at the shoe sale at Nordstrom Rack on Saturday! G'night!

Honesty is a Billy Joel Song

How honest can you or should you be when you think a friend is doing something wrong? I'm not referring to wearing orange and purple clothes, not talking about personal decisions that only affect their superficial choices. I'm talking about when you think they're hurting themselves or someone they love. Some of my friends have changed, and not necessarily for the better. And I have to wonder if I should say something, and if I do, what should I say? Or should I wait and see if something changes?

Off to go ponder. And also file my first federal document! Yay!

WTF?

I just don't understand why it's so hard to find a nice, decent, hard-working, financially stable guy whose emotional age matches his biological age! Sure, I know a lot of gay guys who fit the bill, but I need a straight man. No disrespect to my gay friends ("Where my gays at?!?! a la Kathy Griffin), but I need a straight man with the above attributes. Why is that so freaking hard?!?!

Oh yeah, I'm boycotting Valentine's day. I will be donating blood tomorrow morning, but that is the only giving and/or caring thing I'll be doing. I will otherwise be selfishly lying about, napping, reading my books, and/or otherwise being glad that I dodged a bullet by finding out that the guy I was hopeful about is a damn mess.

Cheating

So I had every intention of going to the gym tonight. We all know I was on the road to hell, right? Paved with good intentions? Yep. Guess who didn't go to the gym? But, count yourself blessed because you get to read this post instead! Um, I know you're thinking I should have gone to the gym. Whatever.

I picked up this month's copy of Glamour magazine, and on the cover was how you can lose weight just by sleeping more! So I'm not really cheating on my going to the gym since I plan on hitting the sheets early tonight. I'm really giving my body a benefit, right? Sure. If you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you.

So in this month's Glamour there's a mini-story entitled "Is He Wired to Cheat? Are You?" In it, some researchers are saying that it may be a combination of nurture and/or nature that makes someone cheat. The nurture part is for people who didn't grow up having nurturing relationships with their parents. The nature part is that some men with a specific gene variant were twice as likely to stray.

Whilst I firmly believe there is a fat gene (not to be confused with "fat jeans), I sincerely doubt there is a gene that makes men put their...uh..."thing" in another person. Really? There is a biological component to being cruel to a significant other by having sex with another person? No. I may buy into the idea that a certain gene may make a person less inhibited or affect their brain function controlling self-control. But make them cheat? No. I believe my genes make me biologically prone to retaining fat, and maybe it influences my craving for exceptionally tasty goodies. But my genes sure as hell don't make me put the cheeseburger in my mouth! And it's irresponsible for someone to claim that "science made him do it." What a joke.

So I got to thinking about a friend of mine who doesn't believe in monogamy. I believe firmly in the right of two (or more) consenting adults to do what they want in the privacy of their own space. Maybe it's my genes that make me far less inclined to stray in a relationship. Who knows?

Day Off?

I awoke this morning not feeling well at all. My stomach was very upset. So I called out. Since then, I've been called and have billed time. I'm working on a set of interrogatories right now that is very long and repetitive. But my stomach is still upset, and I'm not looking forward to still doing work.

After taking a couple tummy-settling pills, I went to look at an office space. Wow, it's so pretty. It's got blond wood furniture, clean work areas, privacy, and all the bells and whistles I need (in addition to a lot that are superfluous but still cool). It has a large window, and even though it's overlooking the top of the parking structure, the mountains are in the distance and are really beautiful. There has to be a story in there somewhere, you know? Look past the shortcomings and look at the beauty. The snow on the mountains is beautiful. I love it, and while it's a bit more than I wanted to spend, it's still within where I need to spend. Especially since it's furnished, it works out to be where my budget is.

I'm just nervous since it's a big step, especially since I've only been a lawyer for 2 months and 8 days. But I absolutely have to try something. I have to. This is the brass ring and I'm not about to let it pass me by.

So I'm going to get back to billing time so that I can afford the pretty pretty office! It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap.

Dear John Email?

There is a guy I recently had a date with. We didn't really hit it off. I've tried to tell him I'm really busy with work, can't talk, can't go out, etc. He just doesn't seem to get that I'm not interested in seeing him again. The question of the day: How does everyone feel about a "Dear John" email? I don't feel like I owe him a phone call explaining that I'm not interested, since I haven't known him long at all, he's been inappropriately forward, and I just don't want to. So I suppose the question I have is this - should I send him an email or just continue to ignore his calls?

Misc

Today I have gotten a lot of stuff done. I went to the chiropractor (my eye was twitching due to my neck being out of whack), got my eyebrows waxed, got my laser hair removal done, had a photo facial test spot done on my foot, took a blouse back to the dry cleaner and told him he stained my shirt, had lunch, and am now trying to relax before going to my sister's house.

Seriously? I wear a blouse one time, and you think I can put a perfectly square stain on my blouse? I don't know about you, but when I spill something on myself, it's never a perfect freaking square. I know this isn't going to end well, so I'll need to find another dry cleaner. But I spent $60 on that blouse and got to wear it ONCE. I want to file a small claims case, but the filing fee is $50 bucks, and it's not worth it to try to recover $110 bucks. But it still really pisses me off. If you didn't know how to do it, why did you accept it? I don't take patent, tax, bankruptcy, etc. because I don't know how to handle them. If you don't know how to do your job, don't accept it.

And I had a wonderful date last night. He's a bit older than I tend to date (he's 40), but it was still fun. And he walked me to my car where we chatted and then made out for over an hour. Playing kissy face is always fun, and it reminded me of back in the day when it was so great to just make out. We kissed and kissed and kissed. And it was so fun, and it was great knowing that there was no pressure whatsoever to feel like he expected sex. I definitely want to see this guy again. I hope he feels the same way.

For my niece's birthday party, we're going to Medieval Times. If I wanted to spend $70 bucks for a bad meal and cheesy entertainment, I could go to a sh*tty off-strip show in Vegas. The show in Vegas would still be better than this because it is, after all, Vegas. My sister had a coupon for buy one get one free tickets, so mine should have only been $35. I paid for me and my mom, but my mom can't go. As it turned out, it worked out any way because my sister is just going to use that ticket. When I pointed out to her that she was using that ticket, she said "yeah, so?" Um, I paid for it, and I didn't plan on giving you $35 for my niece's birthday. Obviously I have no problem paying for myself, but I didn't plan on handing you extra cash, especially when I just gave you $170 for my niece's band camp. (She had promised my niece that she could go to band camp. The problem is that she didn't have the money. But my niece shouldn't suffer because my sister is financially irresponsible.)

I am freezing to death right now. It's raining off and on today, but it's really freaking cold. Not great. I don't like being cold. I HATE being hot, but don't like being cold.

Long enough post for now. Wish me luck with my new boy!

Bar Card

I got my bar card in the mail the other day. Granted, I had forgotten that I changed my mailing address to my PO box and never checked it, so I have no way of knowing how long it was sitting there. Regardless, I was really excited. I called my Aunt C and told her "they can't take it back now, they can't, they can't, they can't!!!" (BTW, why do so many people in my life have names that start with C? All good, so far.) It just feels more real now. Yes, I've already filed two cases of my own, but this tiny piece of plastic to carry in my wallet is what made it feel more real. Have a good night!

Dating

So I had a date on Sunday after the football game. We met at P.F. Chang's, where we had dinner. He is far more dominant than any other man I've ever been on a date with. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But he called me this afternoon to say he had a good time, would like to do it again, and wanted to see how I felt. (Shut up, C.)

I am tired and haven't had an actual "date" in...uh...years. I haven't been "dating" someone since my military ex, and he and I broke up about 7 years ago. (Wow, has it really been that long?) I can blame it on a broken heart, law school, the city in which I attended law school, my career, lack of a lot of close friends, no social life, being overweight, whatever. I think it's most likely because of a broken heart.

Marine broke my heart, without question. I honestly believe if he showed up on my doorstep tonight, I'd pack a bag and head to Vegas to get married. I still love him. He was honest, pure, simplistic, and humble. He was also very supportive of everything I wanted to accomplish. And the irony is that he broke up with me because he was suffering from a broken heart from his ex and couldn't get over her. I looked him up a couple years ago and found out where he lives and that he's out of the military. Oh yeah, and he was single.

So I suppose I have two open questions: (1) How do you get over a 7 year broken heart?, and (2) Where have all the good men gone?? The second question, I believe, is vastly more important than the first. But seriously, I'm closing in on 30, and I want to start a family with a good man. But where the hell are they?!?!?!

Work, Work, Work

I was kinda hoping that, once I passed the bar, I would be able to work normal hours. Yeah, right. Hope springs eternal. The good news? Almost all of my friends who are looking for legal jobs have found them. One from my group of friends did some international work so she hasn't sat for the bar again yet. Another one is focusing more on building her family. But for the most part, it's not too bad. I'm very happy that, even though the economy is hitting a lot of lawyers very hard, it's not striking most of my friends.

So I know I shouldn't bitch and whine about working. I have a paying job and another job that I hope will eventually pay. In other words, I work for an attorney who does commercial real estate litigation, and I work with another attorney on employment cases of my own. It feels a bit overwhelming sometimes, so I asked my paying boss how he handled it when he was a new lawyer. He said he worked more hours as a lawyer than he did as a full-time employee while going to law school at night. Gee, thanks. And the employment lawyer I work with works like an insane man! He probably could bill 10-12 hours at least 6 days a week. That's just not my style. I need my 8 hours of sleep per night. I want to fall in love, get married, start a family. It just doesn't feel like those things are compatible, you know?

So if anyone out there has any kind of work-life balance advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Good night.