Christmas Gifts

A friend of mine has...how should I say this tactfully...expensive tastes when it comes to her Christmas list. I've teased her about it and even commented on her blog, though for some reason my comment does not appear on her blog. Hmm.

Anyhoo, it got me thinking about the kinds of things that I would like for Christmas. I would actually like a boyfriend. I've been emailing with two of my lawyer friends and said it shouldn't be too difficult to find a decent guy who makes his own money, is intelligent, isn't threatened by the fact that I'm a lawyer, and isn't looking for a stick thin, brain dead Barbie doll. It "shouldn't be" too difficult. Yeah. Right. Then again, I also don't know where to look. I don't want to find a guy in a bar. How many meaningful relationships do you know of that start in a bar? Exactly.

I would really like things that can't be purchased. I would really like the 9th Circuit to grant my client's appeal of the judge's decision to grant MSJ against her, but that might be a year or so away. I would really like the defendant to not oppose my fee petition in my arbitration - that probably won't happen but could happen (if the stars align and God smiles on me), and that could actually happen by Christmas. I would like to have my own place, but no one is going to come up with $15k a year for an apartment (on the very low end out here) or $400k for a condo (again on the very low end) for me to have digs.

Oh! This just in! Apparently Tiger Woods just admitted to cheating on his website. Everyone should learn the lesson from David Letterman - get ahead of the scandal if possible. Take the power out of the tsunami. Just my two cents.

Anyway, back to my post.

So I'm looking for a decent guy for Christmas. No need to even put him under the tree. In his car, in a restaurant, in an office, somewhere else is fine.

Sweat, Baby, Sweat

I've been thinking about off the wall song lyrics lately, and I just re-joined the gym yesterday and thought about going today. I didn't go, for the record, but I considered it which is a step in the right direction. I also put "buy a new padlock" on my to-do list for tomorrow, so I'm on the right track. I also looked up the group work out list at my local gym, and think I'll go on Tuesday morning if I get the padlock tomorrow. It's better than nothing.

So, the title of this post is a wink and a nudge to the Bloodhound Gang song lyrics from about ten years ago and their one hit wonder glory. I always liked getting on the treadmill and just letting go, listening to my Ipod, letting my head feel much clearer. It always made me feel like I was working stuff out in my head. I never liked showering there because I felt gross in the cold shower, but I now that I think about it, I guess I don't need a lock if I am not going to shower there. But I don't want to go there, come back home and then go to the office. I'd rather shower there and go to the office. So I'll buy the lock and go.

Anyway, a house about 2 blocks from mine caught fire today. It was scary and I feel terrible for them. I left for the laundromat and was only gone about an hour and a half. I drove right by the house on my way there, and by the time I got back the firefighters already put it out and were packing up. I have no idea how it happened so quickly, and the craziest part is that I never saw or smelled smoke during any part of the day. But thankfully, I heard that no one was hurt, but it looks like the whole house was gutted and that the roof is destroyed and it will probably have to be torn down. It's so sad. It makes me grateful for having the minimum things of life - a home to go to, even with its frustrations and problems. It's a home, and my biggest frustration right now is figuring out when to go to the gym. I'm very blessed and very thankful, especially at this time of year, for my blessings. We should all be thankful for such things.

Shop Town USA

I am an admitted Black Friday shopper. I have no plans for recovery or stopping. You may think it's a sickness and you'd be wrong.

I bought several hundred dollars worth of pretty pretty clothes for myself yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I also bought things for everyone else on my Christmas list as well, but I needed work clothes. So the cool things I bought for everyone else included pretty baby clothes for a friend who is about to have a little one, a cool electronic gadget for my niece's ipod, a down-alternative comforter for my sister, some clothes for my mom, and I already bought a cool thing for my Dad. Either way, I bought a lot of stuff and I think I'm pretty much done with my shopping. Hooray!

I'm Tired

I've been working since just before 10 this morning, and it's now about quarter to 6. It's Saturday. I wrote more than like 14 pages today already, including reading about 8 cases. I'm tired. I've also revised a letter to opposing counsel that my co-counsel went crazy on (he is more offended by opposing counsel's behavior than he realizes). I'm just tired. Oh, did I mention I was filing electronic documents with the federal court until almost 11:30 last night? No? Yeah, that might have something to do with it too...

Sick and Twisted

I've been thinking a lot about licenses these days, who deserves them, how long it's been since I got mine, that I need to physically go to the DMV to renew my driver's license, etc. I think it was 364 days ago (give or take a few hours) since my Bar results came out. The Bar is doing the sick countdown of days until it releases results. 8 days...7 days...18 hours...57 minutes... Seriously, as if people aren't on the edge enough?

And I have to go down to the DMV to visit with a sea of humanity to renew my license. Fun! Who doesn't like to go there? And have their picture taken? Can't think of a better way to spend a couple hours. And the next available appointment? The day before my federal trial is scheduled to start. Timing? Impeccable!

As if the weirdo from the deposition from the other day couldn't get any more twisted, apparently today he was almost normal. I know, I didn't believe it. The attorney who was there didn't either. No shouting, no bloodshed, no fist pounding on the table. I wondered if he was high or sedated. Who knows? Either way, at least the session was more professional, and that is better for the client. I couldn't believe that guy. I continue to believe it's an anomaly and maybe this is just the calm before the storm. People don't go from a**hole to calm for no reason. He's as twisted as that stupid Bar countdown, and he'll never change.

Anyway, it's 9:22 and I'm still waiting on my co-counsel to get me a document so I can e-file it and go have dinner and go home. Any day now I'll get it. It's only due before midnight, so I guess we've got plenty of time. The thing is that I'm cranky and haven't eaten. I want to go home. I'm also really tired of this whole waking up at 4:00 a.m. thing for no reason.

Hope you all have a great night!

Box-Top License

The deposition today was the worst I've ever encountered. It was worse than insulting. The attorney was crass and nonsensical and arrogant...and those were his good points. He was asking idiotic questions and tried to bully the client and me. For those keeping track, that didn't go over well. And a (partner?) big firm attorney should know better than to behave the way he did. I met the other named attorney on the case during the lunch break. She shook my hand, looked me in the face, was courteous and professional. I prayed she was taking over. Alas, she didn't even stay. Ugh. More hours with Captain A**hole. I even walked out at the end. It was absurd. I don't believe it. I've never come across anyone so unprofessional, discourteous, condescending, and outrageous. I talked to my defense friend C tonight and told him that all the good defense attorneys out there should get together and get rid of this guy because he is the reason that we (the public at large) believe the stereotype about defense lawyers. Insane...

Red Headed Lawyers

I'm defending a deposition today and I'm particularly excited about today's adventure. Opposing counsel has been particularly obnoxious pulling stupid stunts. Now he wants to take three days of our client's deposition even though there is no reason whatsoever for three days of it. Why he needs 3 days is beyond me. But he's been outrageously litigious and absurd and unprofessional about it.

So, on Saturday I had my highlights re-touched and my hair has a gorgeous red color to it. I adore it. It also makes me feel a bit more fiery than I normally do. And especially since I have been brought on board with this very prestigious firm, my confidence level has shot through the roof. So I am really excited about heading into this deposition "hair first," so to speak.

I actually only know of one other red-headed lawyer. She's very successful and she's a pistol. She's not afraid to speak her mind, she's confident, and she's very accomplished. I'm getting there, and I'm very excited about defending this deposition today! Gotta run. Have a great day!

Office Supplies

Who knew a girl could get so excited about business cards? But yes I did. The legal assistant ordered my business cards yesterday. She asked me if I wanted 250 or 500, and I rationalized it out to 500. It really makes sense though since every appearance requires 2 cards, every depo requires one for the reporter, videographer, opposing counsel, etc., so I think 500 is a far better decision. It also made me feel more permanent. :-) She also had me order from the big supply book any desk supplies I think I would need, so I got a drawer organizer, a tape dispenser, in and out boxes, a box of my favorite pens, a paper clip holder, etc. It was fun. I also wanted a lift for my computer screen, but they were like $80, and I just couldn't rationalize spending that much money for something so trivial, even if it's not my money. I'll put a big book under it for now or something. Who knew that ordering office supplies could make me feel so happy?

Sleep

I only got about 4 and a half hours of sleep last night. I had nightmares and woke up early and was then pissed off about my stupid former office drama. Ugh. Drama and I've had enough. That after working a 12 hour day. And today I worked a long day too, but I did go to dinner to celebrate my new job. But I have a motion that has to go out sooner than later, and I am never going to hear the end of it if it doesn't get filed tomorrow, so that's what's going to have to happen. So, good night, my friends. Have a great night, and I hope you have restful and quality sleep.

The Firm

I got an offer! From the firm I've wanted to work at for a really long time. The lawyers are excellent and I get along well with the support staff. The money is good and I'm just so relieved to be where I feel like I belong. I feel comfortable, like I finally feel like it fits, like my unbelievably hard work has finally paid off, like someone is finally recognizing my hard work. It feels really good, and I'm just so happy. I just got chills!

One Down, Two to Go...

I just heard back the tentative on one of my MSJ's. Two of the claims were kicked, but one of them we knew was going to get kicked, and the other we had strong suspicions was going to get kicked. However, the third claim survived! Hallelujah! A good friend asked me how it felt to be done with writing the oppositions. I can say with certainty that it doesn't feel nearly as good as winning! Now, I just have two more to go, but I like the feel of winning. It's a trend I'd like to start and continue. :-)

Cranky as Job Requirement

I think it's either an unspoken job requirement or something that befalls you once you become a court clerk, at least at lower levels, that you're cranky. I called a court clerk this morning because traffic was unholy and I was going to be late (which, if you know anything about me, you know I consider nearly unforgivable), and I started calling at 8:20. The Court opens at 8:30, but I wanted to give them as much forewarning as possible. It's the least I could do for my transgression. So the clerk answered the phone and I started to explain when she cut me off and said "Uh, you know the Court doesn't open until 8:30...wait, hold on, the other line is ringing..." I was as polite as humanly possible because I know how (terrifyingly) much power the clerks have, but seriously? If you don't want to start working until 8:30, don't pick up any of the phones! And I fell all over myself thanking her for taking my call and again when I got there. But do all clerks have to be cranky? This is a common thread I've seen. I know they have a very hard job and most attorneys that they deal with are jack asses. I fully acknowledge this. But it doesn't mean you have to be cranky. Try being sarcastic. Or punchy. Or sugary sweet. That might scare people. I appreciate you and all that you do, believe me. You have saved my tail on more than one occasion. But I've always been grateful and professional. Share that with me, huh?

To Follow or Not to Follow?

As you can see, I started a Twitter stream. I primarily made the decision to start said Twitter stream because the MGM Grand is having a contest for a free night if you tweet your sins. Since most of my sins are work-related and I could really use a free night in Vegas, I thought it was just natural. So I am following the MGM Grand and a friend of mine from law school.

As I am very new to this whole Twitter thing, I'm also fairly unfamiliar with etiquette rules and such. But my law school friend has (probably begrudgingly) followed me, as have two other people I don't know. So my question is this - Am I supposed to "follow" these other two people? I've checked out their streams. But what is the protocol? Any words of wisdom?

Your Twitter in solidarity...

Virtual Office

Thank you to whomever commented! I do adore knowing that people read my blog. I do not have a stat counter because I know that I would be obsessively checking it, seeing who was reading it, seeing who wasn't reading it, and I just think my sanity is better off without one. But comments let me know (1) that people are in fact reading it, and (2) that someone actually cares! So thank you, whomever you are.

I have considered a virtual office. I'm still waiting (and praying) on an offer from this firm. So everyone out there, please send me positive vibes! I'd really like to work there, in addition to, you know, having a guaranteed steady income. It would ease my mind, my bills, and even allow me to either pay down my law school debt or get a place of my own.

So, I made an arrangement with a friend to have my mail sent to his office for a month in exchange for an appearance. It'll work for me. But that company with whom I had leased space has been nothing but hassles. Every single month there was issues. And when I went in today to clean out my office, I had an invoice for next month's rent asking if I was going to renew...even though I gave them notice three months ago that I wasn't going to renew, and again three weeks ago when she called to ask me. They've been unprofessional, have nickle and dimed me to death, and overcharged for everything. And when I asked them about a virtual office for the next month? They told me it would be $269. Yeah, right. To collect my mail? I told them I don't even want them to answer my phone! And he wanted me to sign a lease for 3 months. Thanks, but no thanks.

I'm just tired and have a lot of work to do. And I have a cold or touch of the flu or something and I can't think of a worse time to have it. Anyway, I'm going to rest a bit then get back to work. But thanks again for reading and for your comment!

Office Mess

I didn't renew my office lease, as I am never there, it's outrageously expensive for what it is, and I am praying to get picked up by a local firm in the next month anyway. In the interim, I still need a place for my mail to be delivered that is official and not a PO box - it makes clients nervous and opposing counsel think I'm a punk. In exchange for an appearance on Monday, a friend is letting me use his office address as a mail drop for the next month. Yay! However, I now have to go down to the post office to change my address. Ugh. I tried to do it online, but my credit card address does not match my former office address. So now I have to actually go down there. Great! Just what I wanted to do when I'm sick and trying to finish my reply brief...

Opp Done

So the opposition to MSJ (third one for those counting) is finally done and filed. Yay me! I finished filing it around 10 last night. I was also pleased to see that defendant's motions in limine were struck yesterday because they were improperly filed. However, even though the filing deadline was Friday or Saturday (depending on who you talk to), she decided to alter them and re-file them yesterday anyway even though the judge didn't give leave to re-file. I am really interested to see how the Court handles it. If they aren't struck again (which I hope they are), I am not sure if we will file an opposition and motion to strike or how we'll handle it. Regardless, they're outrageously improper. It takes guts to thumb your nose at the Court's order like that. Ah well. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. That is very in keeping with who she is after all. Either way, my opposition is done and I am really really pleased with the fact that it's done. And it's not so bad if I do say so myself! It should defeat summary judgment, and that's really all that matters.

Oh, Co-Counsel...

I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm grouchy, and my head hurts. A lesson we all need to learn is when to let enough be enough. Just PDF the damn documents and send them to me so I can e-file them with the court so I can go home already. Did I mention tired, hungry, grouchy, and headache?

The Good Fight?

I got some disheartening news in one of my cases. It stung. Bad. No, I didn't lose on one of my MSJ's, but thanks for asking.

We had to tell the client, and it hurt him too. Bad. The simple fact is that it was an unjust outcome. It was wrong. Does that make me or the client feel any better? Nope.

I know the defendant has that same twisted smirk on his face today that he had throughout the whole proceeding. He's smug and arrogant and it kills me. The thing is? I kept telling myself that I have been doing this, all of this, because I'm fighting the good fight. I'm fighting on behalf of those who would otherwise have no voice. I'm on the noble side. But what has it gotten me? Almost nothing.

The process is disturbing, the outcomes are pathetic, and I ask myself what am I killing myself for? What am I working 7 days a week for if I can't even obtain a just outcome? Why am I missing my niece's dance competitions and not going on dates if I can't even move an anthill, let alone a mountain? Is there even such a thing as "the good fight"?

Msj's Still Suck

Opposing counsel has egg on her face. She filed her motion a week early, then in keeping with her tenor on this whole case faxed a letter saying she didn't get ours in a timely fashion. Well, um, it's not due until it's due under the Local Rules (where they are readily available on the Court's website for the whole world to see). So we faxed her a letter back saying that she would get ours when it was due under the Local Rules. Funny, we haven't heard anything else on the topic. Perhaps her fingers were too sticky to type on the keyboard from all that egg. Just a theory. But I would still rather be doing 1000 other things than opposing her motion right now. I'd rather be getting a dental cleaning, cleaning out my car, doing yard work, listening to Fox News...you know, other less painful (yet still relatively painful) things. Ugh. I hate motions for summary judgment...

MSJ's SUCK!!!

I'm working on my third motion for summary judgment in as many weeks time. It's nauseating. It's absurd. I HATE them.

I keep telling my two token defense attorney friends that if they would convince their cohorts to stop filing these damn useless things, I would stop being grouchy over having to oppose them. They laugh and say "it's a good way to get rid of cases." You know what else is a good way to get rid of cases? Settling them for their real value. I know, I know. You wouldn't get to bill to high heaven without making these useless motions. But still? What if you just didn't? Maybe if I didn't have to oppose a useless MSJ, which I know I'm going to beat anyway, I would be willing to talk my client down a little bit because she would be able to get her money faster. A little civility back in the practice? A touch of sensibility? Just my two cents...

When Did We Get Old?

It's 10:00 at night and I'm going to wrap up my work for the evening. I'm tired. I've been up since about 5:15 this morning, which makes for a really long day. But seriously? I feel like I'm 100 years old right now.

I miss the days when I could just take off and go to Vegas for a couple days. Miss when I could stroll through the mall with my niece and split some variety of frozen treat. Then again, I don't miss the things that went along with my youth, making crap for money, bad decisions about dating, and hair dye from the grocery store. I don't miss any of that. But I do miss having more free time, more time to myself, more energy, fewer headaches, and no student loans.

About a Month Now?

I guess Bar results come out in about a month now. I know I was really looking forward to passing when I was awaiting results. One might have even called it "desperation" to pass. No judgment. But I reflect on what I'm doing now, how tired I am, how desperate I am for just a few moments to myself, how I'm lucky if I get home by 8 and only work a 10 hour day, and knowing that I haven't had a whole day off in over a month...(sigh)...And I wonder if I could go back say 20 years in time and talk to my almost 9 year old self and tell her to change a whole lot of things. I certainly think my life would be a LOT different if I could go back in time and talk to my 10 year old self. Then again, I wonder if I would have been hit by a truck or ended up murdered like my friend from high school. (They just arrested him a week ago, and I hope that son of a bitch gets the needle. No plea deals, no mercy, no nothing. He kidnapped her, raped her, and dumped her body in the mountains in a snow bank. Then he tried to conceal the crime and he's been free since February. I hope he rots in jail, then hell.) So, a month from now, some of you will be overjoyed, some of you will be crushed. A year from now, I have to wonder who will be better off...

Conflicted

I want to take Saturday off. My version of that, at least lately, means only working a half day.

I'm going to take my niece to see a movie on Saturday evening and I have an appointment for some fun maintenance on Saturday at noon. I'm way excited about it. The crazy thing? I'm still going to work. I still don't get a whole day off.

And it irritates me when others let me down, when I have such precious little time and it's blown because they just feel like their time is more important. It hurts my feelings. I guess that's a more accurate description. It hurts that they blow me off.

Whatever, I guess.

Defend Me!

Client control is quite a difficult thing, as anyone who has had client contact knows. There seems to be an inverse ratio - the clients who have smaller dollar value cases want a ton of personal attention and demand to know every teeny tiny thing that goes on (i.e. phone calls, emails, letters, etc.), while clients who have millions on the line don't seem to pay attention. I suppose it makes sense though. The large dollar value client generally has far bigger fish to fry, while the smaller dollar value client has nothing else going on. However, I really don't want to justify every minute of every day, especially when I'm not being paid by the hour. Maybe I'm off base here, but if someone from their office calls me and wants to verify my mailing address, I don't feel the need to then make a phone call to the client to "keep them in the loop," especially since the call to the client will surely take longer than the 30 second phone call wherein the opposing counsel called to verify the address!

Anyway...

So, today, I get to defend a deposition today. The biggest problem I/we anticipate is controlling what the client says. Here's the thing - your deposition is NOT the time to tell your story. You'll get a chance, but this is not it. Your chance will be either in trial where I (as your lawyer, where I can guide what you say and control the pace, flow of facts, and cut you off if you're saying something I don't want you to say!) can be with you while you tell your story, or, God willing, after we settle and you get a lot of cash, you will tell your therapist all about it.

This is my second deposition to defend, ever, and I'm still excited regardless of the potential problems. The lawyer who I'm filling in for reminded me of one very important fact - how I perform in this deposition will have no impact on the outcome of the case. My role is simply gatekeeper, not proactive guard. And maybe this is a very different approach than many (read: all that I've ever encountered) defense attorneys. They seem to have an undying need to interject EVERY objection they ever learned in evidence class, whether or not it actually applies.

So, have a fabulous day! I'll be hopping in the shower and heading out to the depo! Yay! I'm finally feeling like this whole "lawyer" thing is becoming more natural to me.

Rest

I had been thinking lately that I could use some rest, then I cavalierly thought to myself "I'll sleep when I'm dead!" You know, that smug attitude we have in our [late] 20's. But I keep trying to remind myself that this is the big time, this is my shot. This is actually what I've worked so f-ing hard for for all these 20-something years. Yeah, it would be a luxury to have some time off right now, but I've lived for 20-something years without luxury so I can continue to do it now. And to take time off now would mean to throw away what I've worked so hard for. No rest for the weary, I say!

Then it hit me. Like a truck. Like a meteor from the sky. My uncle died yesterday. He had just turned 58. I knew he had been sick for several months, and his passing was not a surprise. In fact, we were all actually hoping it would come sooner than later because he was in such unbelievable suffering and agony in the end. But he was my Dad's baby brother, the youngest of the family (5 boys in 6 years, so they were all relatively close growing up, not so much in adulthood).

So I was at the office drafting a separate statement for an opposition to a motion for summary judgment, and I couldn't seem to stop crying. For the life of me, couldn't stop crying. My uncle and I weren't close, and I'm relieved that he's finally at peace. His spirit is finally at rest.

Then, when I finally got my mind wrapped up in work again, I got an email from my former legal assistant from the firm I worked at as a law clerk during law school. It was one of those forwarded emails with cutsie pictures about not taking life too seriously, but there was one at the bottom with Jim Carrey dancing in a tutu with wacky hair and a bunch of old people behind him dancing. And I LOST IT. It kind of even looked like my uncle. I like to think that's how he is in heaven now - living it up, feeling strong and fun.

So I was trying to reconcile my intense drive to want to work and want to be such a great lawyer with my need for rest and balance. If one more person says "work/life balance," by the way, I might just scream. I just don't know how to make it all work, fit it all in.

I finally got a good night's sleep last night, and I think that will help immensely. I also think that's one of the reasons I was crying at the drop of a hat. I mean, seriously? Who cries when they see Jim Carrey?

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is. Maybe it's just my insane ramblings. Maybe I didn't get as much sleep as I thought. Either way, I'm glad that my uncle is finally resting, finally at peace. May God bless him and our family right now.

Work, Damnit!

I love America's Next Top Model. I haven't seen a single show this season. I work so much that I am rarely home during daylight hours. Any daylight hours. The price of success? Don't know. Success hasn't come yet, but I hope it will and will soon! I need it to pay off. Literally.

I recently set a goal, which I believe to be attainable, of being approved by the Court at $400 an hour by the time I'm 35. This means I need to start trying and winning some cases, and first chairing some, too. If I don't do that, I won't reach that goal. If I do, I can reach that goal without question.

But "Work, damnit!" is one of the favorite phrases of one of the "characters" on the "reality" show I previously mentioned. It's kind of a strut, an attitude, a mindset. While I'd like a break, I just can't seem to find the ability to take one. I don't even have the ability to juggle the three people I'm working for right now - two firms and myself. If I can just settle this one case I'm taking to mediation on Tuesday, I can stop working for one of these other firms and then only have two jobs. Hopefully, the remaining firm will want to hire me as a full time attorney and then I'll only have one job. I'd be more than happy to only work 55 hours a week. That would be like a freaking luxury.

So, I'm off to...well...Work, Damnit! Or, as my other favorite "reality" show saying goes - "Make it work!"

Special?

I made a special appearance for a fellow lawyer on Monday in a local county courthouse. I've done this before, and it was supposed to be really straightforward, no surprises. Friends, the key phrase in that sentence was "supposed to be."

I get up when the case was called and I said "Good morning, your honor, [my name and last name spelled for the record] specially appearing on behalf of plaintiff [name]." The judge, who looked like most of the judges you'd see in older tv movies - older, white-haired man with glasses- looked down from the bench, over his glasses at me and asked "so what's so special about you?" Folks, he wasn't kidding. There wasn't a hint or glimmer of laughter in his voice. No joke. "Um, well, your honor, I'm not an attorney of record in this case." (Read: hence, one of the Black's Law definitions of "special appearance.") Then, he says "are you an attorney?" WTF??? I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone or something. "Yes, your honor, I am an attorney." At this point, I was thinking he was going to ask me for my bar card and birth certificate.

He then turned to the defense attorney, some guy with salt and pepper hair who, when he identified himself, also announced the fact that he was with a larger firm (which shall remain nameless). The judge asked him the status of the case (hence, the point of the Status Conference for which we were there). While defense counsel didn't tell the whole story, I wasn't going to point out what he was leaving out. What was the point? Until, that it, that the judge suggested that the case be dismissed. Um, what? You're sitting in for another judge (this was another judge sitting in for the judge whose calendar this was - this was not the judge to whom the case was assigned), you know that I'm not the attorney of record on this case, and now you're talking about dismissing it?

Of course defense counsel says he'd have no objection. Gee, you think? Thanks, you're a lot of help. And then the judge turns to me and says, "Counsel, how would you feel about that?" About you dismissing a case that you're not even presiding over and that isn't even my case? Give me a minute to think about this one...Granted, the case is in arbitration and the court would have retained jurisdiction for enforcing judgment, but it's not my call, and with all due respect, it's not this judge's call either. I suggested he either continue it or set it for another case management conference 6 to 8 months out. He took neither of my suggestions and set it for an OSC re dismissal in 2 months. Thanks. That was productive.

Here's the kicker to that - It's set for the same day this other attorney and I already have a hearing set. It's also the day that we now have a motion for summary judgment hearing in federal court.

Busy much?

At least it's a cute war story that I have now.

In Search of a Good, Cheap Clerk

I think I need the services of a good, cheap law clerk. It's only temporary and the pay, quite frankly, would suck. But I have more work than I can handle right now and I need to kick some of it off my plate. So, if you're in the LA area, are interested in employment law, are willing to work quickly and cheaply for a few hours a week, let me know. Maybe we can work something out. Good grades aren't a must, as I know they are not indicative of the kind of work you can accomplish. Even the brightest star in the heavens is still a star.

Bedtime

First day went well. Hopefully, day one at next new job will go likewise as well.

Damn, I'm exhausted...

Good night everyone. You know I love you. It's been a really long couple weeks, and I really appreciate all the positivity and good vibes many of you have been sending me and my family through this very difficult time. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Thanks a million.

Deep Breaths

I just need to keep breathing, right? One breath at a time. One...two...the world will have a different hue tomorrow. Maybe. Or maybe I'm delusional. All quite possible. Good night.

Sages

I belong to a listserv whose members (I do not include myself in this category) are unbelievably and remarkably smart and savvy lawyers in the employment field. Sometimes when people post questions, they ask them of "Sages" or "Wise Ones" or "Gurus." I've posted a couple times and have gotten a few responses. People seem extremely helpful in this group. I'm so lucky to be a part of it.

So when an online friend of mine posted a comment to this blog (thanks, GP! - see 'View), it got me thinking and made me reflect on my current stage in life. It's been almost a year now since I've been a lawyer and I'm trying to take stock of what I've learned (if anything or maybe I've actually gone backwards), what I've accomplished, who I've helped, and perhaps most importantly why I've done the things I've done.

My co-counsel, with whom I've butted heads with at seemingly every pass but for whom I still have a great amount of professional (and personal) respect, actually took about a half hour of his time and listened to me cry and scream and had a real conversation with me. He was genuinely concerned about me because of a couple things I told him recently that he took very seriously. But he said something that made me kind of curious that I still haven't fully processed. Why is it that we do what we do? If plaintiffs' lawyers can only achieve a monetary remedy for their clients, and defense attorneys can only bill money for their clients, we are all essentially out there for the same thing - money, right? Then what puts us on different sides of the "v"? How do we fall where we do?

I have always wanted such great things for my clients. I have formed bonds with my clients. Many of my male colleagues have talked about how they need to have an emotional distance between themselves and their clients, while every female attorney I've talked to has talked about how she bleeds with her clients. I have yet to talk with a male attorney who said this, and I've yet to talk with a female attorney who talked about the emotional distance, at least in the field in which I practice. I can't accept that the only answer for this is that it's a simple gender divide.

And my co-counsel, again, whose opinion I respect, has told me that these female attorneys have succeeded in this field because they have done so on their terms and not tried to be men or beat the men at their game.

I think the most sage advice I have given myself in this time of reflection is that I need to figure out how to be my own lawyer, how to be myself, how to develop myself because the lawyering stuff will fall into place. I need to focus on how to be complete. In this vein, no pun intended, I am trying to make sure to donate blood on a more regular schedule because it makes me feel more like a complete human being. I'm not going to answer my phone while doing laundry, but instead am going to read my Pretty in Plaid book (by Jen Lancaster, available in bookstores) because she makes me laugh. I'm going to figure out how to have dinner with a man at least once a month (starting out slowly) and wear something cute and/or sexy at that dinner. I already volunteer for a domestic violence project once a month which makes me feel amazing. These may seem to be little things, but by putting them down here, I realize that I haven't done ANY of them, except the date and the DV project. And, by not putting these things as priorities, I've forgotten that I AM A PRIORITY TOO.

So thank you, GP, you fabulous sage. In the words of a favorite female lawyer acquaintance friend of mine, sometimes I feel like I'm an ant carrying a grain of rice. And when that grain of rice falls, it's good to know there are other little ants there with me to help me put it back up on my back so I can keep toiling on.

The reference to ants seems particularly apropos in light of the facts that I have ants in my closet and on my clean clothes and I can't figure out where they're coming from or wtf they're after...

I Got It!!

I got the job! I don't think I could be happier about it. I'm really excited. Hooray!!! Hopefully this will be the end of my quicksand feelings. I'm doing my best to pull myself out.

'View

I have an interview tomorrow. It's for a clerk position, but I'm still excited. I really want to get out of the job I'm at now. I'm also frustrated with my life and with men and with law and with everything going on in it right now. Is it any coincidence the lotto numbers that just came up were "5150"? The code section for an involuntary psychiatric hold? Is it a bigger coincidence that I happened to see those numbers as they ran across the news screen just now? And I'm frustrated with some of the people in my life who I thought would be more understanding right now than they're being. Or maybe "understanding" isn't the right word. Maybe I don't know what is? Maybe I just need a few good nights worth of sleep in a row and some more perspective. Maybe I need to figure out why these f-ing ants keep coming in my bedroom after seemingly nothing other than to walk around and piss me off. I mean, at least I would get it if they were going after my cats' food or water, or even my hair care products. But they just seem to walk around on clean laundry and across my bed and through my closet. I feel like I'm drowning and like I'm not even being tossed a life preserver by those I've tossed several to before. They're just telling me to go ahead and sink. I really do feel like I'm drowning. I don't know if it's water or quicksand, but I think my head's about to go under and I wonder if anyone would notice.

Workation

I'm back from my Vegas conference. It's a long drive.

The conference was good, and I'm hopeful that the materials are going to be useful. I also hope I made some good contacts there. Nothing would make me happier than to have made a job out of this outing.

I'm just really tired right now.

This week, I've got a summary judgment motion I'm writing and a closing argument brief that I think I'm writing but we may be collaborating on. I believe that I'm doing the facts on that one and my co-counsel is doing the law, but that's not due first, so it's not highest on the list.

I could really just spend the rest of my life as a lotto winner, being stress-less and carefree. My only worry would be where to spend my days volunteering and how to decide where my money could do the most good.

On another note, I'm wondering whether or not I want to call the boy. Call, text, email...somehow contact. I'm wondering if I got caught up, he got caught up, and we could just kind of start over. On the other hand, I'm wondering if I'm insane or something because he did send me an email in which he kind of said something that I didn't appreciate. (If you want details, just ask.)

And then the on again, off again girlfriend of a friend of mine called me today and asked me "woman-to-woman" what the deal was with this guy. Umm... I thought they had broken up. If I were friends with this woman (she and I are only acquaintances), I would be shouting that she could do way better, that he's scum, and that he's a cheating, no good son of a bitch. Since he's the one that's my friend, but I firmly believe in the sisterhood, I told her that she should probably listen to her instincts about whether or not he was cheating. I also did tell her she could do better. She then proceeded to tell me some really private information about him. Granted, I already knew this private information to some extent, but I didn't know the full extent and I don't think it was appropriate that she told me.

I guess why I'm telling you all this now is that I didn't really get to "vacation" at any point while I was in Vegas. I was either in conference or meeting with people and trying like hell to market myself for jobs, and then today when I tried to relax and gamble, I couldn't drink because I was going to make the long drive home AND I got called by one client and this aforementioned acquaintance.

At least I don't have to set my alarm for tomorrow morning. But, yes, I have to work a lot.

So does anyone have any suggestions on whether or not I should call, email, or text this boy? My idea was to just text him and suggest we meet up for a movie this weekend. Thoughts?

All At Once

I suddenly hear Whitney singing in my ears, but somehow the lyrics are different.

All at once, I'm wondering how my life came to look like this. I'm also wondering if it looks the same from the outside in as it does from the inside out.

All at once, I'm praying it was Thursday night already and I was sipping a nice glass of wine with my colleagues in Vegas.

All at once, I'm more intensely wishing I had won the lottery on Saturday night so I could tell my boss I'm never coming back, so that I could take a private plane to Vegas, and I could care far less about trivial things.

I also wish that I could have more money so that my friends who have been there for me in such amazing ways, through the good, the bad, and the law school, could be rewarded in ways they so richly deserve.

I guess this is just all hitting me all at once. This is all at once, now that I'm being replaced by a glorified legal assistant...oh yeah, and I've been asked to train her. But I think I may be blessed - since it has nothing to do with anything in which I have interest, I guess shoving me out of the nest is maybe what I need, as cold and uncalled for as it may be. Who needs a paycheck anyway? I hear it's overrated. Certainly, the student loan companies think it's overrated, right?

Dirty Tricks

I was thinking about all the tricks attorneys play, how you always get a really important motion by messenger (personal service in CA shortens your time to respond) at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon, how they always try to back door certain things, and how we (the plaintiff's side) says it's always the defense who does this kind of thing. This got me thinking about my male friend C who does defense work (I suppose everyone has to have one friend who does that sort of thing), and I'm sure he and his cohorts (co-conspirators?) think the same thing about me and my colleagues (whom he surely calls cohorts, co-conspirators, or some other equal rhetoric).

What happened to the days of honor? To when we had a noble profession? When did we all become the kind of lawyers that the jokes were about? My female friend C was mentioning that she thinks the single thing the Bar in her state could do to help lawyers was to cut down on the unauthorized practice of law, to shut down people who are undermining the quality of work that we do, and that doing so would help restore the public faith in our profession. (I apologize if I'm paraphrasing too liberally, C, but I believe that's the crux of it.)

When I was on the courthouse steps, some guy told an in pro per/pro se defendant "don't pay no evil lawyer to help you! I can help you right around the corner!" Excuse me? When you mess up this poor guy's life, and he really needs a lawyer, and you find yourself in jail and you need a lawyer for yourself, and you both end up paying lawyers far more than if the one guy had just gotten a PD in the first place and you had just gotten yourself either (a) a real job, or (b) a law degree and a bar card yourself, that's the kind of thing that makes people hate lawyers! Yes, we sometimes laugh at your idiocy, and damn it, it's our right. Suffering through law school and particularly through the bar exam has earned us the right. But when you make a mockery of all we've accomplished and then come to us expecting us to help fix it, it's not just distasteful, it's downright offensive. Cutting down on the unauthorized practice of law is high on my priority list too.

But once you have the bar card, I guess you can engage in all the dirty tricks you can figure out under the rules and some that are blatantly not under the rules but infrequently get punished. I even have a few of my own. If that sounds ominous, maybe it should. :-)

Mission Accomplished

So I got my game back from Liar Liar Pants on Fire. He came to my car where I was waiting while reading deposition testimony. He opened the passenger side door and handed it to me. I said "thank you." He said "you're welcome, and I hope your case is going well and...uh...it's good to see you." [Long pause waiting for me to say something...which I didn't.] "So you'll definitely be hearing from me...[long pause]." "Bye."

I wonder I'll actually be hearing from him or if I was being too subtle. You know, for some guys, you have to hit them over the head with this kind of stuff.

I mean, I didn't even get out of the car or respond when he said it was good to see him.

Here's the thing. He's 40 and divorced, drives a crappy car, and lives in a crappy neighborhood. I'm in my late 20's, a lawyer, have a respectable car, and am fabulous in my own right. If he can't see that, it's his loss. And as I was listening to KROQ this morning, it's absolutely true - loser guys can be with great girls all the time, but it's the guys who can't seem to get past anything superficial. Their dumb loss.

Liar and Waste

Enough said, I think. At least I decided early enough on that he's a waste. Damn my desire for evidence! LOL

Liar Liar or Just White Lies?

We all lie. The degrees of lies are what distinguish us.

There are the lies you tell when someone asks you "how much do you weigh?" or "what is your IQ?" or "what was your LSAT score?" For the record, I don't know my current IQ. I haven't been tested since I was in grade school.

Then there are the lies that people tell that rise to the Ponzi scheme level, the "I didn't kill her, but if I did here's how I would have done it" level, and the "the Holocaust never happened" lies.

Obviously, there is an endless wasteland in between.

So I went online tonight to see if my new affection interest had, in fact, deleted his online profile as he told me he had. Low and behold, it was right there, smack dab on the page when I searched. Not only was it there, but he logged on yesterday. Hmm...

I'm not sure how to handle the situation. You know, as lawyers, we are trained to somewhat cut off our emotions and check them at the door in exchange for a clean look at the evidence. A "just the facts, ma'am" kind of approach. Then again, especially as a plaintiff's lawyer, I believe in telling a holistic story including all the human details.

So riddle me this: Do I confront him on (1) having the profile up, and/or (2) signing in as recently as yesterday?

Leaping...

So I chatted over the phone with a guy I met from an online dating site. He sounded amazing on his profile. The only red flag is that he's divorced, but no one is perfect. Everyone has baggage, and I certainly have mine. So we had a blast talking on the phone for almost 2 hours today, and I'm over the moon excited about seeing him today. We're going to have dinner. I'm scared, but I'm going to take the leap. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. He already turns me on, after all. :-) WISH ME LUCK!!! Not everything should revolve around the law!

Advantage

General announcement: Don't take advantage of me, my friendship, my work, or my situation. It's not cool. It's not something you can take or leave at your leisure. I'm not here for your convenience. It's not appreciated, nor will it be forgotten.

Snap Judgments

It's kind of amazing to me how either life imitates the Bar or the Bar imitates life. Recently, a BFF of mine sent me a hypothetical, in honor of the exam, on an ethical situation. The same week, I had an ethical situation arise at the office that still makes me wonder whether or not there will be serious repercussions to deal with at some point in the near future. The thing of it is, for most of the ethical questions related to the Bar, it's fairly easy to make snap judgments and then support your position. The hypo usually starts with something like "Robin, a disbarred attorney who has a cocaine habit, has been doing work for newly-licensed attorney Leslie...." You know Leslie is going down for some stupid sh*t that Robin did. Leslie always needs to run as fast as humanly possible away from Robin, but never seems to do it in time. It's always a "don't let this happen to you," after school special kind of thing. But, then again, I guess I'm making another kind of snap judgment about those kinds of questions.

I Meant To Say It Before!!

So, I was painfully aware that the Bar exam was currently taking place. I really meant to wish you luck before it happened! Some of you I wish more luck to than others, as some of you will surely be [I deleted my rant]. But I wish to those of you who are particularly deserving that this time be YOUR time. I wish luck for you because the only difference between passing and not passing is sheer luck. So...LUCK!!!

Go Time

As I have more and more anxiety lately, I can't help but think that it's somehow related to the Bar exam by some sort of osmosis of sympathy pain or something.

I have an arbitration coming up July 20-22 and can't help but think of the similarities to the Bar exam. It's 3 days. It's full days. It's all or nothing at the end. It requires a LOT of writing. It involves a lot of judgment by others. And the fact that it's three days toward the end of July is an eerie and scary coincidence or twist of fate, especially since it was nearly exactly one year ago that a three day stint in July that allowed me to become a lawyer in the first place. I'm kind of freaking out.

Anyway, I know that it doesn't compare to the freak-out-edness that those who are sitting for the Bar feel. Trust me - if anyone knows, I know. I've been there not once, not twice, but three times. I'm an expert Bar taker, not like one of those people who could be sued because they take it just to steal bits of information away to companies to try to give an advantage to exam-takers. I'm a more authentic expert - I know the fear and how it affects you. Hell, I even took (and passed!) it during an earthquake.

For both of us, it's go time. Time to perform, get in the zone, whatever BS platitude cliche you choose. Whatever floats your boat. I just need to focus on what worked then and reapply it now.

Let's go get 'em, team!

WTF?

I have to wonder who the "f" some people think they are. Yeah, I am referring to someone specific, but I'm not going to go into details. It's not worth it. Suffice to say that this person (1) wouldn't understand or be able to spell the word "suffice," and (2) has an intelligence score that hovers around this person's shoe size. A$$hole...

Sunday Sundae

Wake up and smell the subpoena. It's time for me to rock this lawyer thing. I'm ready to. I was born to do it. And I think I'll be good at it.

So much for getting rest. Not today, anyway. I suppose that's not entirely true. I don't have a ton of work to do. I really just have to prepare a couple subpoenas and talk to some witnesses. And this will be over the phone, not driving out to meet people somewhere. But I guess I just long for the days when I can work Monday through Friday like everyone else, you know? I need to not bitch.

Maybe I'll stop bitching once one of these contingencies finally pays. I mean, I'd really like that to happen. Just one of them so that I know it can happen, you know? Something real? Even just a taste? I'm hoping it's like a drug that gets me hooked, you know, one that I can't get enough of. One that I can still keep in check. Anyway, I guess I should get going. The subpoenas aren't filling themselves out. And the arbitration brief isn't writing itself. Wish me luck! Oh yeah, and wish me money! ;-)

All She Wants to Do is ... Rest?

I like music, and I love that song. I sit here typing, bopping my head to the song singing "all she wants to do is dance!" I am 28, and I think I probably went back to work too quickly after my surgery. But the law waits for no man (or woman as the case may be). So I find myself wishing that I could just rest. And it's kinda sad, you know? I'm 28. It's Saturday. I'm a lawyer (btw, that is still REALLY FREAKING COOL to me to say, and I still can't believe it most of the time). I should be hanging out with friends, or heading to San Diego or hanging out in Vegas. Instead, I've spoken with a client, gone to my office, left a message for another client, laughed at a letter from opposing counsel (you would have too), conferenced with co-counsel, mapped out directions for a meeting with a witness, and prepared for a meeting with a witness this afternoon. I would have been quite content to watch bad reality tv (is there any other kind?), bought some new lounging shorts, and sipped ice water. Am I old or just overworked? Is it worth it? It has to be, right?

Dedicated or Just High Pain Threshold?

So a week ago I was on the way to visit an uncooperative witness when I decided I should instead to to urgent care because the pain in my stomach was rapidly coming back. Turns out it was something pretty serious and required surgery. I would write more, but I can't at this point because I'm considering all of my options. Anyway, I have to wonder, with that kind of excruciating pain, am I just that dedicated or do I just have that high of a pain threshold? I'm going to pick door "A," Monte. My clients mean so much to me, and I want such great things for them. My dedication is beyond question. Speaking of that, I need to get back at it. "It" being recovering from surgery and following up on my cases.

Lawyer Joke

What do you throw a drowning lawyer?

His/her partners.

American Boy

That damn song won't get out of my head, and I think I've only heard it like 3 times in my whole life. Life means taking chances, I guess, and I want to take a chance on my newly-discovered Irish-American boy. Here's hoping! Could be fun. I hope it is.

Too Early for Liquor?

I would just like to sit around all day and see if I could polish off 6 bottles of wine (Riesling) in one day without throwing up. Since I pretty rarely drink, I don't think it could be done. But then again, I'll never know without trying. Then again, wine is not liquor. And 6 bottles if an awful lot of liquid.

I'm just tired of working so much, so hard, and having so little in my checking account to show for it.

I wish I were in Vegas...

Dodged a Bullet

I took my niece to the movies last night. We saw the sequel to A Night at the Museum. It was very cute. I enjoyed it, and I think I enjoyed it more than my niece did.

But while we were in line buying tickets, I noticed this very heavyset girl with a short, skinny bald guy and thought how silly they looked together. Then I thought...oh...my...gawd...that short, skinny, weird-looking bald guy is my ex from FOREVER ago and that woman who is easily 30 pounds heavier than me who is easily 6 months overdue for a root touch up is his wife that I knew way back when.

And I thought "Wow, did I ever dodge that bullet!" I mean, I know he cheated on her while they were dating. I know this for a fact. I also have heard from one of his former best friends and another one of his good friends that he continues to cheat on her even after they were married. I knew that he could never be faithful, which is one of the reasons he and I never were exclusive in the first place.

But oh, my, gawd. It was insane. And I admit that I feel better about not having someone in my life right now. I'd rather be without either one of them, i.e. the wrong one, than on my own. It's still strange because I never imagined being in my late 20's and not married and not even being close to being married. But it's still better than being in my late 20's in the wrong marriage, one without love, one filled with cheating and lies.

But it still would be nice if the right guy is out there, if he could hurry up already! :-)

Depos Revisited

So I defended my depo today. I'm still kind of on a high about it. It was weird though. I've spent the last few years as a law clerk and then the last 7 months as a supporting attorney being silent during depositions, and now I was expected - even required - to object and speak up. It felt weird. It was strange. I was actually conscious of the moment I realized "hey, wait, I'm supposed to make objections today." Thank God it happened during the first few minutes when he was asking the background questions. So I lodged my objections, spoke up when I needed to, followed up with poignant questions, preserved the record, and I think I did a pretty good job. I hope I'm right...and I hope she hires me again!

Depos, Depos Everywhere...

So I get to defend my first deposition EVER next week. I couldn't be more excited. And, coolest part? I get paid a good amount of money! Granted, it's far less than most attorneys would charge for something like this, but I'm new and it's more money than I could have otherwise billed that day. I'm thrilled! Go team ME!

G'Night

I'm not on Twitter, and besides this blog, my only real foray into the public internet arena is Linkedin. But if I did have Twitter, I would tweet that I'm tired and I'm calling it a night. So, Good Night!

Nobody Walks in L.A.

That's something that struck me while in D.C. Everyone there walks - and not just like a regular pace. They power walk. It's like they're all trying out for some walkers' marathon or something. It's kinda crazy.

So being an outsider, especially one from Los Angeles, I didn't really blend in very well. Though I did love the little neighborhood my cousin lives in. It's very trendy urban, complete with quaint cafes, beautiful buildings, and the gays! And apparently it has one of the highest concentrations of lawyers in the country. If it wasn't overwhelmingly hot and humid for 4 months out of the year, I might consider moving there.

Anyway, I totally enjoyed spending the time there, and I really do want to go back some time soon. I may plan my next trip for when it's snowing though. It will likely have WAY less tourists (i.e. less screaming children and maybe even less children on the planes? Hope springs eternal). And I would love to see the Supreme Court in the snow. I think it would be even more breathtaking.

Regardless, I would be one of those people who was constantly bitching that there was no parking (or I would have to pay an extravagant amount of money to live in a building with parking). Because, as the song says, nobody walks in L.A. And I'm not one for bucking many L.A. trends.

Happy weekend!

My Fellow Americans

So I was in DC for my friend's wedding this past weekend. It was lovely. Although it was quite interesting to see the bride and groom at the front of the church with their "private areas" pressed up against each other and whispering what could only be dirty things to each other. I guess this is what happens when you have 27 year old virgins. Anyway, the trip was great, but now I'm trying to play catch up at work. To those who were recently/are going to be sworn in, savor the moment. It's truly great. To those who fell just short, you can and will do it if luck smiles on you and you persevere. Good luck and great weekend!

Name Your Price

If I don't have to ship the books (i.e. if you and I can meet and you pick them up), I'll sell them for $175, and you can have ALL of them for that price, as many or as few as you want. If I have to ship them, I want $225, including the shipping (media mail), and it's for the full set of BarBri books only. If you want them all, I'll have to calculate shipping.

However, if you think it's too much, NAME YOUR PRICE!!!!

Books for Sale!!!

I have a full set of BarBri and Bar Passers books, and PMBR and a I also have another MBE book by Emmanuel's for sale.

The BarBri and Bar Passers books both have the new subjects.

Make me an offer. I just want to get rid of them.

Obviously, they're helpful. They have now helped me AND my friend R pass the bar (CONGRATS, R!!!!!).

Week

This week is going to be long. Maybe fate has scheduled it to be particularly busy for all lawyers in a showing of solidarity for those awaiting bar results. If memory serves, they come out this Friday. God bless and good luck. I feel your pain. Been there. I wish you all the best of luck. I know it's only luck, and while I know it feels like nothing more than empty meaningless platitudes, I wish to reiterate that it's not a reflection on the lawyer you will be, only the amount of luck you had on a series of three consecutive days.

So I have my first court appearance tomorrow morning, I have an answer, a boat load of discovery responses, and a settlement statement due Friday, a deposition on Thursday, a letter to opposing counsel to send on Wednesday, and a slew of legal secretary stuff to do during the week, in addition to my law clerk and attorney stuff. Oh yeah, and this is all in addition to trying to start a law practice and deal with my headache issues.

Still no MD diagnosis, but I'm feeling better about it after having some unofficial advice from a friend.

The moral of the story is this, my friends - I feel your pain this week. And I pray for you. I hope this week yields good news for all of us.

Mothers Day

Well, it looks like I won't know whether or not there's a tumor before Mothers' Day. Seems pathetic to me, but whatever.

I went to the hospital and got my scan on disc. I tried to open it, but I have no idea what kind of files they are, and even if I did, I surely wouldn't know what to look for anyway.

But for all the mothers out there, I wish you happy and healthy families. No one could ask for anything more. God Bless!

Oh, and the lawyer in me feels the need for a disclaimer - thank you to the person who posted the comment. If I need to, I will certainly look into all of my options, including the one you suggested. However, I do not endorse any treatments, conventional or otherwise, and my posting the comment should not be construed as such. The only endorsement of treatment that I have is treating doctors with a bit of skepticism, as I feel they have earned it. Not to say that lawyers haven't, but that's an issue for another day.

Brain Tumors and Bar Results

While I'm not awaiting bar results again (thank God!), I am going to have a brain scan/MRI tomorrow. They don't usually have a doctor to read those scans immediately, so there will probably be some waiting to be done. And the scan starts at 7 p.m., assuming it starts on time, so I have no idea whether or not there would even be someone there that I could grab and gently urge (read "force") to read it for me.

So it got me thinking about the gamut of things it could be. Of course, brain tumor tops the list. Then again, the inherently sarcastic and distrustful part of me (is there any other part? really?) let my mind wander and think about the twisted and outside possibility that it was some sick experiment by a law professor or bar examiner to place a chip in my brain and it has ever since been festering and is now causing excruciating pain. I know it's a long shot, but it would be a great story to tell the grand kids, wouldn't it?

For those of you who are awaiting bar results, especially those of you who are awaiting a repeat set, I feel for you. No one feels your pain, perhaps even quite literally, more than me. I didn't get nervous this last time until about a few days before results, and then the day results came out I was a hot mess. I was such a mess that I couldn't even click the "check your results" button after I had entered my information. My niece did it. Thank God it ended well. I wouldn't have wanted her to see how shattered I would have been if I hadn't passed...again.

Two seemingly unrelated things that oddly go extremely well together. Brain tumors and bar results. Chocolate and peanut butter. Sex and candy (listen to the song).

I can't wait to go to my friend's wedding. By then, I will either have started chemo or will have had a spinal tap (to relieve some of the pressure caused by excess spinal fluid on my brain). Either way, good times!

The Difference Between Laweyers and Doctors

Too many punchlines, I know...

But the one that comes to mind in particular right now, as I sit in my brand new office (thank you very much) and write a joint application for preliminary approval of class action settlement is that lawyers shouldn't "reinvent the wheel," as my mentor once put it. If a great lawyer did this kind of motion before you, and was willing to share it as an example, why the hell would you otherwise try to do one from scratch? To bill a client more money? Not me, brother. Not my style. And I believe it to be unethical and in direct contradiction to the interests of your client.

On the other hand, doctors SHOULD "reinvent the wheel." They should look at each patient anew, not being prejudiced by another doctor's thoughts and opinions. My idiot eye doctor should have made an independent judgment about me, not just signed off that someone else made the right call (and that it was up to her to explain to me what that call meant). Maybe this is why they hate doctors so much. We hold their feet to the fire in lawsuits. We hold them accountable for jumping not even to their own conclusions, but someone else's that they probably don't even know, have never even met, and whose credentials and/or training they've never explored.

The primary difference? Maybe it's just that our malpractice premiums are lower than theirs. Who knows?

"It's not my job to explain"

I went to the eye doctor for a consult, referred by my neurologist. He went to Harvard and let everyone know about it. So he looked into my dilated eyes and said that my optic nerve was swollen and under pressure from some source. When I said I didn't understand, that I didn't understand the implication of my optic nerve being swollen and under pressure, and could he explain it to me, he replied "it's not my job to explain it to you; it's my job to look in your eyes." Thanks, useless asshole. If you didn't want to deal with patients, you should have become a researcher. It's like a lawyer who doesn't like clients. If you're a lawyer with an undying urge to be an asshole, you should just become a professor or a textbook author. That way, everyone expects you to inflict your attempted intellectual superiority on everyone else. But real clients and/or patients expect you to provide answers. And if you can't or won't, you shouldn't be doing the job because you're NOT doing the job.

Upheaval

What a day.

I had an appointment with a neurologist today. Doctors generally have no bedside manner, no sense of humor. Very true for neurologists.

She told me that I might have a brain tumor, a pseudo tumor, extra fluid causing my brain to swell resulting in pain, etc. Excellent! I feel awesome. What could be better?

The sarcasm should be palpable at this point.

I'm really scared, and it's not good for lawyers to admit that. But I'm human, and I'm relatively young, and I'm scared. I feel like I've been hit with a sledgehammer. Nothing feels right and I can't focus.

Wish me luck. I have a brief due tomorrow.

Timing is Everything

As you probably know, I live with my mother. It's been almost 2 years now since I moved in after law school. Would I rather live almost anywhere else most of the time? Absolutely. There are certain inescapable realities that prevent that, including but not limited to owing more than $7000 in taxes.

Anyway, because we never used the land line, my mother unilaterally decided to cut off the land line and only use the cell phones (which I pay for, btw), which caused the internet to allegedly be shut down for a day, maybe two. Yeah, that was a month ago.

So I expected that she would handle it since it was, after all, HER decision. Nope. She kept blaming the phone line, blaming the connection on the pole, blaming me, blaming the poor girl in Texas, blaming everyone in the call center in India...you get the picture. It was everyone's fault but hers.

So I got on the phone today with tech support. It took 15 minutes and 34 seconds to fix the whole problem. I swear that I could scream. I called my mom to tell her I fixed the problem, and asked her why she hadn't just followed the KISS (aka mind-numbingly simple) instructions on how to fix this. She said she didn't know that she was supposed to follow the instructions and call. Um, yeah. It's really freaking difficult to follow the simplest instructions. So this entire process proves one of two things: (1) my mother is extraordinarily lazy, or (2) mind-numbingly simple. Knowing that she's an educator (at a public school in the skids, granted), I'll opt for door number one, Bob.

So to update you, I signed a lease for an office space of my very own. It will be the Law Office of ME!!!!! I'm really excited.

Rather than make my first post in a month really long and tedious, we'll just leave it at the lease for now and get back on track in the coming days.

I missed you!

New Favorite TV Quote

"Night law school - it's like a root canal with a dull drill." - Law and Order

If I Had to Choose

I have an interview this Wednesday with a law firm that does plaintiff's-side employment and personal injury law. I might actually open-mouth kiss anyone in their office if they hire me. (Exaggeration, of course.) But the thing is, I just want to be an attorney - a full-time, full-fledged attorney. What I lack in experience I more than make up for in tenacity and enthusiasm. I hate to fail. That's one of the several reasons not passing the bar (twice) was so difficult for me. I can do this job, and I so badly want to do this job. So please wish me luck!

My dad had an interview today for a full-time management position at a retail store. And I immediately said a prayer in my head when he told me. "Please God, please let him get this job. And if you have to say no to someone, say it to me. Let him get this job."

My father is so proud and has wanted to work hard his whole life. He's one of those people that doesn't take their breaks because he wants to work and do a good job. He has been out of work for about 2 months now, and I know it's really hard for him. So please, God, please let him get this job. I'd like mine too, but I want it more for him. I'll get by, but I know how much he needs this. Please. Please let him get this job.

If you're reading this, please send prayers/positive thoughts and energy his way. Thanks!

Hangover Mondays

I'm an adult, and I absolutely understand when people cut loose and get three sheets to the wind drunk on occasion. I just don't know why it is that people drink so much so regularly.

It's kind of funny when people call out on Monday mornings when you know it's because they're either (a) still drunk from the night before, or (b) so hungover that the drapes will likely never be drawn until the following day. And people who drink that much never think anyone else can smell it on them or otherwise tell that they've been drinking. Yeah, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Especially beer. Everyone can smell it. You're no James Bond.

Ah, hangover Mondays...

Red and Yellow

Apparently it was the night for red and yellow.

I went to the ASU/UW and UCLA/USC basketball games tonight. It was really fun. I took my dad, and neither of us had been to the Staples Center before. So it was fun.

It was fun despite the 6 drunk frat guys who, in the absence of swear words, couldn't put together a complete sentence. It was particularly offensive when they started talking about a particular male bodily fluid. Disgusting asshats. And UCLA played like they expected to lose. The ASU game was a much better game.

UCLA lost by 10 points, although the game was not nearly that close. They just couldn't get into the zone either mentally or physically.

While I have several favorites for what "USC" really stands for, I will not bore you with that here. My all-time favorite is when the "C" stands for a compound word. If you're really interested, email me.

Regardless, I have a wicked headache, backache, and a jam-packed day tomorrow. So, goodnight. Go Sun Devils!

Do You Think I Should Be Arrested?

Stupid question, right? One of the most stupid questions I think someone can ask an attorney.

My mom, God bless her heart, asked me this very question. And inexplicably she got mad at me when I responded with "WTF??!?!!!!" Let's see - you're a public school teacher. Presumably, you'd like to continue said profession for at least another few years. If you had found out that my middle school teachers had arrest records, would you have been okay with that? Of course not. And if the district is looking for reasons to fire people, do you really want to be the one with a fresh new arrest record?

It's like asking if I should give a client advice to rob a bank and assassinate a political leader. Think that's a good idea? OF COURSE NOT.

The good news? Rather than go downtown today to put herself in a position where she'd be arrested for illegally protesting and disturbing the peace, she stayed at school for choir practice.

I'm just glad it's more important for her to feel like a shining star individually than to do it in a group. (She's always been the one who has to sit in the front row at church and sing so loudly that everyone knows who it is.)

I could really just use a space of my own. Whilst I'd prefer an apartment of my own coupled with an office of my own in a brand new Porche of my own, I guess I have to settle for staying the course, trying to find a good job, and doing the best I can. (The EEOC sent me an email today telling me I was qualified for the position but that I wasn't among the "highly qualified applicants," so they won't even interview me. Yes, it hurts.)

Maybe the rest of the week will be stupid question-free. Or maybe I'm just delusional. You be the judge.

I Quit!

I Quit:

1. Wasting time on former friends who have become people I don't want to know any more.
2. Worrying about the insignificant.
3. Being secretive of my America's Next Top Model obsession.
4. Being intimidated by other lawyers - I'm just as competent as they are, even if I'm not yet as experienced.
5. Answering the phone when it's an "unidentified" or "blocked" number.
6. Feeling obligated to be nice to people that I don't have to be nice to.
7. Neglecting my headaches and being scared to go see a neurologist.
8. Second-guessing the quality of my work (see number 4).
9. Letting anyone dictate how I spend my time.
10. Letting anyone walk on me or take advantage of me without appropriate consequences.

Hopefully I'll be able to quit my non-attorney (clerk) job soon. I have an interview next week, and I know of another firm that is hiring. I want so badly to be an attorney already. I know I have 2 cases of my own right now (one of which will be litigated in federal court despite our best efforts), but I want a full-time attorney job. I want a job where I work 40 or more hours per week at just that one job. While I am very happy with my hourly wage, since I only work maybe 20 hours per week, it makes it far less than I would like to be bringing in. Here's hoping!

Something Like Life?

I was at work today. I billed about 6 hours, but was painfully bored to tears the entire 8. I spent more time than I probably should have spent looking online for Vegas deals. I finally decided enough was enough, and that the deal I have is good enough. Since the female friend I'm going with is very cash conscious, we're staying at a moderate hotel. I refuse to stay somewhere like Sahara or Stratosphere, so we're staying somewhere above those and below like a NYNY or MGM. It's clean, safe, and not a bad location. So what more do you really need?

Even though I'm relatively low on funds right now, I had to book a spa appointment. I NEED one. So I booked it. I am really looking forward to the whole trip, from the drive there to the drive back, but I'm really looking forward to the massage. Mmm...the thought of it is really sexy.

So work is tedious and mundane. And it's not usually this bad, but all of the things I have to do are boring. It's not so bad when I've got a bunch of mundane stuff and a couple exciting things. But everything right now is mundane. And I have a federal court thing due Friday, but it's mostly done. I'm looking forward to finishing it because it's my first federal e-filed document. But it's still kind of blah.

Is this my life? Is this what I thought it was going to be like being a lawyer? Is this the hard part? The easy part? Am I supposed to be bored? I've been reflecting on my life more lately, probably because a friend from high school was recently murdered. What if I died tomorrow? Would I be satisfied? Would I be left with a bunch of "I wish I had" or "Why didn't I"? Maybe I'm just really tired of dealing with a bunch of every day crap and not taking enough time to enjoy the things I like. Maybe I should go buy those D&G shoes I was so in love with. Maybe I just need to take it one step at a time and try not to get too stir crazy about Vegas.

But it's hard to focus on anything else when the mother ship is calling me home...

Maybe I'm channeling my friends who are sitting for the bar right now. If you take a minute to read this, I want you to know that I'm praying for you and sending you positive thoughts. I am pulling for you! Go get 'em!

Cash Poor

This is a bad time for me to be short on funds. I'm going to Vegas next weekend. A week from today, I will be there and hopefully will have already consumed about 4 cocktails. I need a vacation from reality. I know, I know - the bar is next week, and I know (all too well) how the people sitting for it could use a vacay more than me. But I still need one.

There is something wrong with my car. I have to take it in tomorrow. Crap. But I guess this is just one more thing from which I need a vacation.

I got new glasses today. I lost my glasses, which I've had for about 7 years. I suppose it was time for a new pair anyway. Turns out my prescription is stronger now, so it's good I went in. But that was expensive. And since it was only like $70 bucks more for the Versace frames which I liked better and fit me better, I went ahead and upgraded.

It just feels like I'm hemorrhaging cash.

Costly Day

I need new tires. I think they'll have to wait until my next paycheck. I also had a SHOCK today when I discovered that I wasn't licensed in the federal bar. "Um, what?" Apparently, they lost and/or never processed my paperwork. So I had to fill out the application (only 2 pages) and pay the $185 before I could file my documents. So I technically was licensed for about 20 minutes when I filed my first federal documents. Crazy, I know. So it was expensive but worthwhile. Now I just really want to work hard this week so I can go nutty at the shoe sale at Nordstrom Rack on Saturday! G'night!

Honesty is a Billy Joel Song

How honest can you or should you be when you think a friend is doing something wrong? I'm not referring to wearing orange and purple clothes, not talking about personal decisions that only affect their superficial choices. I'm talking about when you think they're hurting themselves or someone they love. Some of my friends have changed, and not necessarily for the better. And I have to wonder if I should say something, and if I do, what should I say? Or should I wait and see if something changes?

Off to go ponder. And also file my first federal document! Yay!

WTF?

I just don't understand why it's so hard to find a nice, decent, hard-working, financially stable guy whose emotional age matches his biological age! Sure, I know a lot of gay guys who fit the bill, but I need a straight man. No disrespect to my gay friends ("Where my gays at?!?! a la Kathy Griffin), but I need a straight man with the above attributes. Why is that so freaking hard?!?!

Oh yeah, I'm boycotting Valentine's day. I will be donating blood tomorrow morning, but that is the only giving and/or caring thing I'll be doing. I will otherwise be selfishly lying about, napping, reading my books, and/or otherwise being glad that I dodged a bullet by finding out that the guy I was hopeful about is a damn mess.

Cheating

So I had every intention of going to the gym tonight. We all know I was on the road to hell, right? Paved with good intentions? Yep. Guess who didn't go to the gym? But, count yourself blessed because you get to read this post instead! Um, I know you're thinking I should have gone to the gym. Whatever.

I picked up this month's copy of Glamour magazine, and on the cover was how you can lose weight just by sleeping more! So I'm not really cheating on my going to the gym since I plan on hitting the sheets early tonight. I'm really giving my body a benefit, right? Sure. If you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you.

So in this month's Glamour there's a mini-story entitled "Is He Wired to Cheat? Are You?" In it, some researchers are saying that it may be a combination of nurture and/or nature that makes someone cheat. The nurture part is for people who didn't grow up having nurturing relationships with their parents. The nature part is that some men with a specific gene variant were twice as likely to stray.

Whilst I firmly believe there is a fat gene (not to be confused with "fat jeans), I sincerely doubt there is a gene that makes men put their...uh..."thing" in another person. Really? There is a biological component to being cruel to a significant other by having sex with another person? No. I may buy into the idea that a certain gene may make a person less inhibited or affect their brain function controlling self-control. But make them cheat? No. I believe my genes make me biologically prone to retaining fat, and maybe it influences my craving for exceptionally tasty goodies. But my genes sure as hell don't make me put the cheeseburger in my mouth! And it's irresponsible for someone to claim that "science made him do it." What a joke.

So I got to thinking about a friend of mine who doesn't believe in monogamy. I believe firmly in the right of two (or more) consenting adults to do what they want in the privacy of their own space. Maybe it's my genes that make me far less inclined to stray in a relationship. Who knows?

Day Off?

I awoke this morning not feeling well at all. My stomach was very upset. So I called out. Since then, I've been called and have billed time. I'm working on a set of interrogatories right now that is very long and repetitive. But my stomach is still upset, and I'm not looking forward to still doing work.

After taking a couple tummy-settling pills, I went to look at an office space. Wow, it's so pretty. It's got blond wood furniture, clean work areas, privacy, and all the bells and whistles I need (in addition to a lot that are superfluous but still cool). It has a large window, and even though it's overlooking the top of the parking structure, the mountains are in the distance and are really beautiful. There has to be a story in there somewhere, you know? Look past the shortcomings and look at the beauty. The snow on the mountains is beautiful. I love it, and while it's a bit more than I wanted to spend, it's still within where I need to spend. Especially since it's furnished, it works out to be where my budget is.

I'm just nervous since it's a big step, especially since I've only been a lawyer for 2 months and 8 days. But I absolutely have to try something. I have to. This is the brass ring and I'm not about to let it pass me by.

So I'm going to get back to billing time so that I can afford the pretty pretty office! It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap.

Dear John Email?

There is a guy I recently had a date with. We didn't really hit it off. I've tried to tell him I'm really busy with work, can't talk, can't go out, etc. He just doesn't seem to get that I'm not interested in seeing him again. The question of the day: How does everyone feel about a "Dear John" email? I don't feel like I owe him a phone call explaining that I'm not interested, since I haven't known him long at all, he's been inappropriately forward, and I just don't want to. So I suppose the question I have is this - should I send him an email or just continue to ignore his calls?

Misc

Today I have gotten a lot of stuff done. I went to the chiropractor (my eye was twitching due to my neck being out of whack), got my eyebrows waxed, got my laser hair removal done, had a photo facial test spot done on my foot, took a blouse back to the dry cleaner and told him he stained my shirt, had lunch, and am now trying to relax before going to my sister's house.

Seriously? I wear a blouse one time, and you think I can put a perfectly square stain on my blouse? I don't know about you, but when I spill something on myself, it's never a perfect freaking square. I know this isn't going to end well, so I'll need to find another dry cleaner. But I spent $60 on that blouse and got to wear it ONCE. I want to file a small claims case, but the filing fee is $50 bucks, and it's not worth it to try to recover $110 bucks. But it still really pisses me off. If you didn't know how to do it, why did you accept it? I don't take patent, tax, bankruptcy, etc. because I don't know how to handle them. If you don't know how to do your job, don't accept it.

And I had a wonderful date last night. He's a bit older than I tend to date (he's 40), but it was still fun. And he walked me to my car where we chatted and then made out for over an hour. Playing kissy face is always fun, and it reminded me of back in the day when it was so great to just make out. We kissed and kissed and kissed. And it was so fun, and it was great knowing that there was no pressure whatsoever to feel like he expected sex. I definitely want to see this guy again. I hope he feels the same way.

For my niece's birthday party, we're going to Medieval Times. If I wanted to spend $70 bucks for a bad meal and cheesy entertainment, I could go to a sh*tty off-strip show in Vegas. The show in Vegas would still be better than this because it is, after all, Vegas. My sister had a coupon for buy one get one free tickets, so mine should have only been $35. I paid for me and my mom, but my mom can't go. As it turned out, it worked out any way because my sister is just going to use that ticket. When I pointed out to her that she was using that ticket, she said "yeah, so?" Um, I paid for it, and I didn't plan on giving you $35 for my niece's birthday. Obviously I have no problem paying for myself, but I didn't plan on handing you extra cash, especially when I just gave you $170 for my niece's band camp. (She had promised my niece that she could go to band camp. The problem is that she didn't have the money. But my niece shouldn't suffer because my sister is financially irresponsible.)

I am freezing to death right now. It's raining off and on today, but it's really freaking cold. Not great. I don't like being cold. I HATE being hot, but don't like being cold.

Long enough post for now. Wish me luck with my new boy!

Bar Card

I got my bar card in the mail the other day. Granted, I had forgotten that I changed my mailing address to my PO box and never checked it, so I have no way of knowing how long it was sitting there. Regardless, I was really excited. I called my Aunt C and told her "they can't take it back now, they can't, they can't, they can't!!!" (BTW, why do so many people in my life have names that start with C? All good, so far.) It just feels more real now. Yes, I've already filed two cases of my own, but this tiny piece of plastic to carry in my wallet is what made it feel more real. Have a good night!

Dating

So I had a date on Sunday after the football game. We met at P.F. Chang's, where we had dinner. He is far more dominant than any other man I've ever been on a date with. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But he called me this afternoon to say he had a good time, would like to do it again, and wanted to see how I felt. (Shut up, C.)

I am tired and haven't had an actual "date" in...uh...years. I haven't been "dating" someone since my military ex, and he and I broke up about 7 years ago. (Wow, has it really been that long?) I can blame it on a broken heart, law school, the city in which I attended law school, my career, lack of a lot of close friends, no social life, being overweight, whatever. I think it's most likely because of a broken heart.

Marine broke my heart, without question. I honestly believe if he showed up on my doorstep tonight, I'd pack a bag and head to Vegas to get married. I still love him. He was honest, pure, simplistic, and humble. He was also very supportive of everything I wanted to accomplish. And the irony is that he broke up with me because he was suffering from a broken heart from his ex and couldn't get over her. I looked him up a couple years ago and found out where he lives and that he's out of the military. Oh yeah, and he was single.

So I suppose I have two open questions: (1) How do you get over a 7 year broken heart?, and (2) Where have all the good men gone?? The second question, I believe, is vastly more important than the first. But seriously, I'm closing in on 30, and I want to start a family with a good man. But where the hell are they?!?!?!

Work, Work, Work

I was kinda hoping that, once I passed the bar, I would be able to work normal hours. Yeah, right. Hope springs eternal. The good news? Almost all of my friends who are looking for legal jobs have found them. One from my group of friends did some international work so she hasn't sat for the bar again yet. Another one is focusing more on building her family. But for the most part, it's not too bad. I'm very happy that, even though the economy is hitting a lot of lawyers very hard, it's not striking most of my friends.

So I know I shouldn't bitch and whine about working. I have a paying job and another job that I hope will eventually pay. In other words, I work for an attorney who does commercial real estate litigation, and I work with another attorney on employment cases of my own. It feels a bit overwhelming sometimes, so I asked my paying boss how he handled it when he was a new lawyer. He said he worked more hours as a lawyer than he did as a full-time employee while going to law school at night. Gee, thanks. And the employment lawyer I work with works like an insane man! He probably could bill 10-12 hours at least 6 days a week. That's just not my style. I need my 8 hours of sleep per night. I want to fall in love, get married, start a family. It just doesn't feel like those things are compatible, you know?

So if anyone out there has any kind of work-life balance advice, I'd really appreciate it.

Good night.

Bar Prep

The February bar exam is rapidly approaching. I'm just ecstatic that I don't ever have to go through it again. I'd rather sleep on rocks for a month than sit for the bar. I'd rather have invasive medical procedures. At least with that they give you the good drugs.

Anyway, I don't know how many people read this blog, let alone how many are sitting for the bar. Unlike my other blogger friends, I don't have a counter. Frankly, I don't need to know who's reading it. While I write some entries to hopefully help others who are suffering through the bar, mostly, it's an outlet for my expression that I can't release elsewhere.

For those who are sitting for the bar, I wish you nothing but luck. I don't wish you good study sessions, easy questions, or anything of the like. I wish you luck. I never would have passed the bar had I not gotten lucky. Had they tested civil procedure and other subjects that weren't necessarily my strong suit, I wouldn't have been lucky. Since I work at a commercial real estate litigation firm, I was BEYOND lucky when they tested contracts, contracts remedies, and real property. Likewise, I was prepared for the ethics questions (one was similar to a situation I encountered at work). Straight up luck. I passed despite that weird executive powers/criminal law question. I passed despite the mother of God difficult MBE.

Luck. All there is to it.

So I wish you tons of luck. Good luck!!!