WTF?

I apologize in advance, but I'm speaking in generalities and stereotypes.

Why do men think women are the enigmas when clearly it is the adult male who is all screwed up? Why tell me you want to get together this weekend, then tell me the morning after we were going to get together that you're sorry and were feeling bad about the holidays? Do you want me to chase you? Mother you? Feel sorry for you? Feel bad that you didn't call? Yeah, see, I had forgotten that you were going to call me and already had plans.

I just don't get it. I feel like texting him back and saying "No, you thought and were hoping something 'better' would come along and were hoping I would stay in a holding pattern until you decided you wanted me. Sorry, but that's not how life works." But I try very hard to not be mean until and unless warranted. It doesn't do anyone any good although it may feel good in the moment. I suppose that's what being an adult feels like. Not snapping the neck of a poor defenseless idiot just because you can.

But now remains the question - How do I respond? Do I respond at all?

Questions for the ages, I suppose...

Wow

So, I'm sorry it's been so long I didn't even remember. Honestly, I only sign on from home, and I haven't used my own computer since August. Work seems to be where I spend most of my time.

Monday will be my 1 year anniversary of being on staff at my office. I love it, though I wish there was a staffing change. Wow, computer acting up. Have to shut down. Guess it was good I was only briefly on!

Grown Ups

I really do love my job. I love making a difference in the lives of people who have been wronged. It's a big deal. Now, there is a scheduling conflict with our office calendar. We have a deposition and a court appearance on the same day...both on the same day which I have been scheduled off for months so that I could go to Vegas. Not cool. I really need the day off, all my trip is already paid for and not refundable. I am sincerely praying I don't have to cancel my trip. Not only would it be expensive, but it would take its toll on me emotionally. I need to replenish my soul, sleep when I want, and not think about my cases at all. Fingers crossed that I won't have to make that decision.

11 Days and Still Counting...

So I really need a vacation. I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm in dire need of some rest and relaxation. I've missed two days of work in the last two weeks, but it was because of a migraine and strep throat. Not exactly restful or relaxing. Will be done with my course of antibiotics before I take off on the 21st, so I couldn't be happier. It is going to go exactly as planned - fun, booze, Viva Elvis, naps, sunshine, more booze, more fun...it's going to be perfect! I miss you, Vegas. Don't worry doll. I'll be there soon.

36 Days and Counting

Yep, 36 days until Las Vegas. Think I'm already ready to go? You're 100% correct. I NEED a vacation. I'm swamped, overwhelmed, and freaking out a bit. Ready to be there already. Beyond ready.

Who Knew?

Who knew I was capable of sleeping 12 hours a day (no, not continuous but still totals 12)? I'm really not the kind who can sleep in. My body clock gets me sleepy around the same time every day and wakes me up around the same time. Turns out that I am capable of hitting my body's snooze button several times and sleeping a full 12 hours in a 24 hour period.

So I'm still on my (literal) ass-kicking journey to shed unnecessary pounds. It seems to be going well so far. It quite nicely coincides with my exercise classes (pole dancing!) wherein I focus on my breathing, my body's reaction to music, and my enjoying time off for 2 full hours every Sunday night. I deeply enjoy these classes. Men aren't allowed in the building and there are no mirrors in the room. I am able to escape to an entirely internal place for 2 hours. I force my cases out of my mind. For 2 hours, they aren't important. It's just me, dim red light, and no judgment. No judgment from myself or from others. I love it! Who knew all I needed was a bunch of women, sexy music, and my hair down while I writhe to sexy music to like exercising!

It's also kinda weird how my thoughts on sexy music have changed. The class forces me to slow down, forces me to love my curves, forces me to be selfish. My outlook on sexy is changing, and oddly enough, I'm still absolutely in love with the super high heels and feeling sexy in them.

Alright. I spent today sleeping in, lazing around, and did a TON of laundry. While doing laundry I read my new book. Now, I'm going to kick back, watch a movie, and have another indulgent evening with my fabulous self. I'm also making a mental shift of what constitutes "indulgence." It doesn't have to be decadent food - it can be a 2 hour pole dance class, a nice glass of wine, an hour with my book... It is what I want to define it to be. It's liberating and fabulous!

Lawyer Stats

Lawyers are allegedly more likely to be overweight, depressed, drug and alcohol abusers, and commit suicide than any other profession. That's right, folks. We've even surpassed the dreaded dentist.

I'm not depressed (I was during law school), don't abuse drugs or alcohol, am not contemplating suicide, but I am overweight. I was thinking about semantics and maybe why Americans are generally overweight. I think, at least for me, the words have gotten in the way in the past. I hate to "lose." Losing a motion, a trial, etc., are awful things. They stink. I've never been good at losing, be it cards, games, whatever. So it was hard to wrap my mind around losing being a good thing.

That's why I've decided to stop thinking about it and using the word "lose." I'm shedding, beating, winning, or something else. So, fingers crossed! It has started off on a positive note!

So You're a Lawyer...Now What?

I spent an astronomical amount of time and energy (both mental and physical) trying to get through law school without downing a handful of pills, and then encountered the exact same sentiments when I failed the Bar. Not the first time because I honestly didn't deserve to pass, but the second time, when I missed passing by a gnat's eyelash (or, in translation, LESS than one [expletive] MBE question - and no, I don't know how that's possible). That was the worst feeling I think I've ever encountered. I deserved it and didn't get it.

So I'm a lawyer now and I'm spending a crazy amount of time and energy trying to be a "good" one. I'm putting in hours that would terrify the average person. I'm now a regular at my dry cleaner's with all the suits and business shirts for court appearances and depositions. I asked for more responsibility, and boy have they responded, hence the frequent trips to the dry cleaner. And I'm pretty sure I can blame the hours I work on neglecting my blog.

So I took stock of what else I was neglecting and realized when I stepped on the scale yesterday at the doctor's office that it's ME that I've been neglecting. My blood pressure is excellent, cholesterol is fantastic, everything is great except my weight. I've never been this heavy in my life. So I decided to take positive steps towards health. Am I scared, you say? Terrified. I am afraid I can't do this. I'm afraid I'll fail, give up, walk away, and someday hit 300 pounds. Success is what motivates me and failure is what terrifies me, so you can see how this would be conducive to a total meltdown, especially since I have an opposition to a motion for summary adjudication due Tuesday. Yikes.

But I decided to start today. I signed up with a weight loss program and wrapped my mind around doing it. And my BFF has been so supportive that I could give her an open-mouthed kiss. The first week will undoubtedly be the hardest and I know I'll be cranky. But what's a week of cranky compared to feeling better? So here goes! Wish me luck.

Dancing with the "Stars"

I don't watch DWTS because I think these "celebrities" have any particular skill for dancing. I also don't watch it because the music is good - because it REALLY isn't. I watch it for the train wreck effect. The music is awful and the dancing is likewise sub-par. And it's like the people in the audience take the "criticism" by the "expert judges" personally. Seriously? They're all a joke.

I've had a rough day. Motion to vacate arbitration award procured by fraud was denied and client didn't get justice. On the other hand, we defeated a MSJ in another case. Either way, I still can't help but feel like justice and the whole judicial system suffered.

Anyway, I'm going to curl up in my big cozy blankies, watch the train wreck that is DWTS, and face tomorrow with dignity and hope. Oh yeah, and I'm having my taxes done on Thursday. Or, if it's not a possibility to get them finished, I'm getting an extension.

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On

I'm not a fan of earthquakes. I'm not really a fan of most natural disaster-type occurrences, truth be told. I was sitting on my bed with my laptop and wondered if I was suddenly feeling dizzy or something. Then my cat looked up at me like I had tossed her in a bathtub with a toaster. She was completely freaked out. My other cat, who was laying on my tv asleep, lifted her head, looked around, and put her head back down.

This was a particularly long earthquake. It started shaking, kept shaking, kept shaking, and finally stopped. I was less than pleased. Granted, earthquakes scare me less than when I was in the mid-west, the power would be out for hours, and there would be a tornado watch or warning. I HATE earthquakes too.

So I thought of my friend who I knew was at his office. He's in Century City and on the 17th floor. I called to make sure he was okay. He was, but was also a little freaked out. This was the first time he was just by himself in his office during an earthquake. Funny though. He was in a deposition during another recent earthquake. The somewhat skiddish court reporter said "we're having an earthquake" and put it on the record.

So I'm reminiscing about the last time there was an earthquake that freaked me out. I think we've had three since the Bar-quake. I've been home for 2 now and was in my car for another one. Maybe this is a good sign for my favorite Bar taking friend. Maybe the quake means he passed this time. Here's hoping anyway.

We're fine. Both cats are already sleeping again by the time this post was done. So I guess it can't be that bad. But I do need to get a better/updated earthquake kit. Since we've had 4 in the last 2 years, I really need to do that.

Late, Late, Late

It's a strange situation - the earlier I wake up the later I am for work. Very strange relationship.

So I stopped taking my migraine prevention medicine. I couldn't take the side-effects any more. So I am back to having pretty constant pressure in my head. I'm switching to a vitamin regimen in the hopes that it helps.

And who else loves Dr. Nancy Snyderman (of the Today Show) for saying that the new study that came out claiming women need to exercise at least an hour a day to maintain their weight is STUPID. She said a half hour a day is plenty, but I defy any professional woman to find a half hour for exercise, 10 minutes to get clothes changed and bag ready to go, 20 mins to and from the gym, and time for a second shower a day. Yeah, I know. Excuses excuses. I'm just trying to mentally adjust to actually dragging my tail to the gym on a more regular basis.

I better go. I'm going to be like an hour late.

A Man Walked into a Bar...

A friend of mine is sitting for the Bar again this week. As a repeater myself, I know what torture and hell awaits him (and any other repeater).

A repeater is a special kind of Bar examinee. The repeater is filled with angst about already feeling like a failure, fearing that gut ripping feeling again, and you kinda wanna smack anyone who looks like they're 19. (The first time I sat for the Bar, there was a girl there who still had a blue stripe on her driver's license, meaning that she was around 18 years old. B*tch. But I digress...)

So, knowing the fear and terror that you surely feel, let me offer you this piece of advice - don't sweat it.

Another Year Older

It's been two months since my last post. It feels like a confession. The thing is that I have stopped using my laptop as my primary mode of computer use and use my office a lot. So much has happened - Christmas was kind of a nightmare, 3 oppositions to MSJ's, New Year's was challenging to say the least, my birthday came and went, my best friend didn't send me a birthday card (but her mother did), and a good family friend passed away on Saturday so I will be going to her funeral tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I was hit by a hit and run driver and my mom has a hairline fracture in her arm and I had a few discs and my hip pushed out of place. I'm taking my car into the shop today to get it fixed.

I think you're pretty much caught up now. Another year older but am I wiser? Is anyone? I think I've certainly learned some legal lessons, but I'll be damned if I know what lesson I'm supposed to learn from 4 people who have touched my life dying within the span of a year.

Running late to get my car to the shop. Please drive safely! Who knows what kind of wackos are out there...