Rest

I had been thinking lately that I could use some rest, then I cavalierly thought to myself "I'll sleep when I'm dead!" You know, that smug attitude we have in our [late] 20's. But I keep trying to remind myself that this is the big time, this is my shot. This is actually what I've worked so f-ing hard for for all these 20-something years. Yeah, it would be a luxury to have some time off right now, but I've lived for 20-something years without luxury so I can continue to do it now. And to take time off now would mean to throw away what I've worked so hard for. No rest for the weary, I say!

Then it hit me. Like a truck. Like a meteor from the sky. My uncle died yesterday. He had just turned 58. I knew he had been sick for several months, and his passing was not a surprise. In fact, we were all actually hoping it would come sooner than later because he was in such unbelievable suffering and agony in the end. But he was my Dad's baby brother, the youngest of the family (5 boys in 6 years, so they were all relatively close growing up, not so much in adulthood).

So I was at the office drafting a separate statement for an opposition to a motion for summary judgment, and I couldn't seem to stop crying. For the life of me, couldn't stop crying. My uncle and I weren't close, and I'm relieved that he's finally at peace. His spirit is finally at rest.

Then, when I finally got my mind wrapped up in work again, I got an email from my former legal assistant from the firm I worked at as a law clerk during law school. It was one of those forwarded emails with cutsie pictures about not taking life too seriously, but there was one at the bottom with Jim Carrey dancing in a tutu with wacky hair and a bunch of old people behind him dancing. And I LOST IT. It kind of even looked like my uncle. I like to think that's how he is in heaven now - living it up, feeling strong and fun.

So I was trying to reconcile my intense drive to want to work and want to be such a great lawyer with my need for rest and balance. If one more person says "work/life balance," by the way, I might just scream. I just don't know how to make it all work, fit it all in.

I finally got a good night's sleep last night, and I think that will help immensely. I also think that's one of the reasons I was crying at the drop of a hat. I mean, seriously? Who cries when they see Jim Carrey?

I'm not sure what the moral of this story is. Maybe it's just my insane ramblings. Maybe I didn't get as much sleep as I thought. Either way, I'm glad that my uncle is finally resting, finally at peace. May God bless him and our family right now.