Nightmares

I haven't slept well in 3 days. Both because of lack of sleep and because of nightmares. I'm one of "those people" who need to get about 9 hours of sleep a day to function properly. I understand that most people don't need and/or get that much, but I need it to function at my best and brightest.

And the nightmares didn't help. I was dreaming I was being chased by gang members while I was in high school. Then all of a sudden, I was running while carrying my cat, Phoebe. I was running, hiding, playing dead, but was still running and trying to get away. It was terrifying. Hence, added to my lack of sleep.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm having these nightmares and what they mean. What is my subconscious trying to work out? Am I afraid I'm spreading myself too thinly with my office job and my own cases? Am I afraid of not being able to protect myself and the ones I love? Is it just a reflection of how I physically feel from the lack of sleep? Who knows? But any insight is welcome.

I'm about to try to go to sleep. I've been up since about 4:30 this morning. I tried to nap but couldn't. I got my hair dyed and cut today, and it's super cute! I'm hoping that this is the start of a new me. Since tomorrow's my birthday, I'm excited about the prospect of a party, even though I have to pay for it myself. My sis' hours have been cut back, my dad was laid off this week, and my mother is somehow happy to let me pay for my own birthday cake and dinner.

I'm NOT excited about the prospect of having to do WORK on my birthday, which is also on a weekend. But it needs to be done, and I hope that it brings me some peace of mind and completion.

So, on the eve of my birthday, I say to you that I'm truly grateful to all of my friends who have called and/or emailed to wish me a happy birthday. If you know me at all, you know I love my birthdays and frankly wish that people in my life would make a bigger deal about them. It's the only day of the year where people celebrate you, who you are, what you've accomplished, and just you with all your faults and fabulosity. Time for sleep. Hopefully it will usher in an amazing birthday! And no nightmares.