Wow

So, I'm sorry it's been so long I didn't even remember. Honestly, I only sign on from home, and I haven't used my own computer since August. Work seems to be where I spend most of my time.

Monday will be my 1 year anniversary of being on staff at my office. I love it, though I wish there was a staffing change. Wow, computer acting up. Have to shut down. Guess it was good I was only briefly on!

Grown Ups

I really do love my job. I love making a difference in the lives of people who have been wronged. It's a big deal. Now, there is a scheduling conflict with our office calendar. We have a deposition and a court appearance on the same day...both on the same day which I have been scheduled off for months so that I could go to Vegas. Not cool. I really need the day off, all my trip is already paid for and not refundable. I am sincerely praying I don't have to cancel my trip. Not only would it be expensive, but it would take its toll on me emotionally. I need to replenish my soul, sleep when I want, and not think about my cases at all. Fingers crossed that I won't have to make that decision.

11 Days and Still Counting...

So I really need a vacation. I'm stressed, I'm overwhelmed, I'm in dire need of some rest and relaxation. I've missed two days of work in the last two weeks, but it was because of a migraine and strep throat. Not exactly restful or relaxing. Will be done with my course of antibiotics before I take off on the 21st, so I couldn't be happier. It is going to go exactly as planned - fun, booze, Viva Elvis, naps, sunshine, more booze, more fun...it's going to be perfect! I miss you, Vegas. Don't worry doll. I'll be there soon.

36 Days and Counting

Yep, 36 days until Las Vegas. Think I'm already ready to go? You're 100% correct. I NEED a vacation. I'm swamped, overwhelmed, and freaking out a bit. Ready to be there already. Beyond ready.

Who Knew?

Who knew I was capable of sleeping 12 hours a day (no, not continuous but still totals 12)? I'm really not the kind who can sleep in. My body clock gets me sleepy around the same time every day and wakes me up around the same time. Turns out that I am capable of hitting my body's snooze button several times and sleeping a full 12 hours in a 24 hour period.

So I'm still on my (literal) ass-kicking journey to shed unnecessary pounds. It seems to be going well so far. It quite nicely coincides with my exercise classes (pole dancing!) wherein I focus on my breathing, my body's reaction to music, and my enjoying time off for 2 full hours every Sunday night. I deeply enjoy these classes. Men aren't allowed in the building and there are no mirrors in the room. I am able to escape to an entirely internal place for 2 hours. I force my cases out of my mind. For 2 hours, they aren't important. It's just me, dim red light, and no judgment. No judgment from myself or from others. I love it! Who knew all I needed was a bunch of women, sexy music, and my hair down while I writhe to sexy music to like exercising!

It's also kinda weird how my thoughts on sexy music have changed. The class forces me to slow down, forces me to love my curves, forces me to be selfish. My outlook on sexy is changing, and oddly enough, I'm still absolutely in love with the super high heels and feeling sexy in them.

Alright. I spent today sleeping in, lazing around, and did a TON of laundry. While doing laundry I read my new book. Now, I'm going to kick back, watch a movie, and have another indulgent evening with my fabulous self. I'm also making a mental shift of what constitutes "indulgence." It doesn't have to be decadent food - it can be a 2 hour pole dance class, a nice glass of wine, an hour with my book... It is what I want to define it to be. It's liberating and fabulous!

Lawyer Stats

Lawyers are allegedly more likely to be overweight, depressed, drug and alcohol abusers, and commit suicide than any other profession. That's right, folks. We've even surpassed the dreaded dentist.

I'm not depressed (I was during law school), don't abuse drugs or alcohol, am not contemplating suicide, but I am overweight. I was thinking about semantics and maybe why Americans are generally overweight. I think, at least for me, the words have gotten in the way in the past. I hate to "lose." Losing a motion, a trial, etc., are awful things. They stink. I've never been good at losing, be it cards, games, whatever. So it was hard to wrap my mind around losing being a good thing.

That's why I've decided to stop thinking about it and using the word "lose." I'm shedding, beating, winning, or something else. So, fingers crossed! It has started off on a positive note!

So You're a Lawyer...Now What?

I spent an astronomical amount of time and energy (both mental and physical) trying to get through law school without downing a handful of pills, and then encountered the exact same sentiments when I failed the Bar. Not the first time because I honestly didn't deserve to pass, but the second time, when I missed passing by a gnat's eyelash (or, in translation, LESS than one [expletive] MBE question - and no, I don't know how that's possible). That was the worst feeling I think I've ever encountered. I deserved it and didn't get it.

So I'm a lawyer now and I'm spending a crazy amount of time and energy trying to be a "good" one. I'm putting in hours that would terrify the average person. I'm now a regular at my dry cleaner's with all the suits and business shirts for court appearances and depositions. I asked for more responsibility, and boy have they responded, hence the frequent trips to the dry cleaner. And I'm pretty sure I can blame the hours I work on neglecting my blog.

So I took stock of what else I was neglecting and realized when I stepped on the scale yesterday at the doctor's office that it's ME that I've been neglecting. My blood pressure is excellent, cholesterol is fantastic, everything is great except my weight. I've never been this heavy in my life. So I decided to take positive steps towards health. Am I scared, you say? Terrified. I am afraid I can't do this. I'm afraid I'll fail, give up, walk away, and someday hit 300 pounds. Success is what motivates me and failure is what terrifies me, so you can see how this would be conducive to a total meltdown, especially since I have an opposition to a motion for summary adjudication due Tuesday. Yikes.

But I decided to start today. I signed up with a weight loss program and wrapped my mind around doing it. And my BFF has been so supportive that I could give her an open-mouthed kiss. The first week will undoubtedly be the hardest and I know I'll be cranky. But what's a week of cranky compared to feeling better? So here goes! Wish me luck.