Work, Damnit!

I love America's Next Top Model. I haven't seen a single show this season. I work so much that I am rarely home during daylight hours. Any daylight hours. The price of success? Don't know. Success hasn't come yet, but I hope it will and will soon! I need it to pay off. Literally.

I recently set a goal, which I believe to be attainable, of being approved by the Court at $400 an hour by the time I'm 35. This means I need to start trying and winning some cases, and first chairing some, too. If I don't do that, I won't reach that goal. If I do, I can reach that goal without question.

But "Work, damnit!" is one of the favorite phrases of one of the "characters" on the "reality" show I previously mentioned. It's kind of a strut, an attitude, a mindset. While I'd like a break, I just can't seem to find the ability to take one. I don't even have the ability to juggle the three people I'm working for right now - two firms and myself. If I can just settle this one case I'm taking to mediation on Tuesday, I can stop working for one of these other firms and then only have two jobs. Hopefully, the remaining firm will want to hire me as a full time attorney and then I'll only have one job. I'd be more than happy to only work 55 hours a week. That would be like a freaking luxury.

So, I'm off to...well...Work, Damnit! Or, as my other favorite "reality" show saying goes - "Make it work!"

Special?

I made a special appearance for a fellow lawyer on Monday in a local county courthouse. I've done this before, and it was supposed to be really straightforward, no surprises. Friends, the key phrase in that sentence was "supposed to be."

I get up when the case was called and I said "Good morning, your honor, [my name and last name spelled for the record] specially appearing on behalf of plaintiff [name]." The judge, who looked like most of the judges you'd see in older tv movies - older, white-haired man with glasses- looked down from the bench, over his glasses at me and asked "so what's so special about you?" Folks, he wasn't kidding. There wasn't a hint or glimmer of laughter in his voice. No joke. "Um, well, your honor, I'm not an attorney of record in this case." (Read: hence, one of the Black's Law definitions of "special appearance.") Then, he says "are you an attorney?" WTF??? I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone or something. "Yes, your honor, I am an attorney." At this point, I was thinking he was going to ask me for my bar card and birth certificate.

He then turned to the defense attorney, some guy with salt and pepper hair who, when he identified himself, also announced the fact that he was with a larger firm (which shall remain nameless). The judge asked him the status of the case (hence, the point of the Status Conference for which we were there). While defense counsel didn't tell the whole story, I wasn't going to point out what he was leaving out. What was the point? Until, that it, that the judge suggested that the case be dismissed. Um, what? You're sitting in for another judge (this was another judge sitting in for the judge whose calendar this was - this was not the judge to whom the case was assigned), you know that I'm not the attorney of record on this case, and now you're talking about dismissing it?

Of course defense counsel says he'd have no objection. Gee, you think? Thanks, you're a lot of help. And then the judge turns to me and says, "Counsel, how would you feel about that?" About you dismissing a case that you're not even presiding over and that isn't even my case? Give me a minute to think about this one...Granted, the case is in arbitration and the court would have retained jurisdiction for enforcing judgment, but it's not my call, and with all due respect, it's not this judge's call either. I suggested he either continue it or set it for another case management conference 6 to 8 months out. He took neither of my suggestions and set it for an OSC re dismissal in 2 months. Thanks. That was productive.

Here's the kicker to that - It's set for the same day this other attorney and I already have a hearing set. It's also the day that we now have a motion for summary judgment hearing in federal court.

Busy much?

At least it's a cute war story that I have now.

In Search of a Good, Cheap Clerk

I think I need the services of a good, cheap law clerk. It's only temporary and the pay, quite frankly, would suck. But I have more work than I can handle right now and I need to kick some of it off my plate. So, if you're in the LA area, are interested in employment law, are willing to work quickly and cheaply for a few hours a week, let me know. Maybe we can work something out. Good grades aren't a must, as I know they are not indicative of the kind of work you can accomplish. Even the brightest star in the heavens is still a star.

Bedtime

First day went well. Hopefully, day one at next new job will go likewise as well.

Damn, I'm exhausted...

Good night everyone. You know I love you. It's been a really long couple weeks, and I really appreciate all the positivity and good vibes many of you have been sending me and my family through this very difficult time. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. Thanks a million.

Deep Breaths

I just need to keep breathing, right? One breath at a time. One...two...the world will have a different hue tomorrow. Maybe. Or maybe I'm delusional. All quite possible. Good night.

Sages

I belong to a listserv whose members (I do not include myself in this category) are unbelievably and remarkably smart and savvy lawyers in the employment field. Sometimes when people post questions, they ask them of "Sages" or "Wise Ones" or "Gurus." I've posted a couple times and have gotten a few responses. People seem extremely helpful in this group. I'm so lucky to be a part of it.

So when an online friend of mine posted a comment to this blog (thanks, GP! - see 'View), it got me thinking and made me reflect on my current stage in life. It's been almost a year now since I've been a lawyer and I'm trying to take stock of what I've learned (if anything or maybe I've actually gone backwards), what I've accomplished, who I've helped, and perhaps most importantly why I've done the things I've done.

My co-counsel, with whom I've butted heads with at seemingly every pass but for whom I still have a great amount of professional (and personal) respect, actually took about a half hour of his time and listened to me cry and scream and had a real conversation with me. He was genuinely concerned about me because of a couple things I told him recently that he took very seriously. But he said something that made me kind of curious that I still haven't fully processed. Why is it that we do what we do? If plaintiffs' lawyers can only achieve a monetary remedy for their clients, and defense attorneys can only bill money for their clients, we are all essentially out there for the same thing - money, right? Then what puts us on different sides of the "v"? How do we fall where we do?

I have always wanted such great things for my clients. I have formed bonds with my clients. Many of my male colleagues have talked about how they need to have an emotional distance between themselves and their clients, while every female attorney I've talked to has talked about how she bleeds with her clients. I have yet to talk with a male attorney who said this, and I've yet to talk with a female attorney who talked about the emotional distance, at least in the field in which I practice. I can't accept that the only answer for this is that it's a simple gender divide.

And my co-counsel, again, whose opinion I respect, has told me that these female attorneys have succeeded in this field because they have done so on their terms and not tried to be men or beat the men at their game.

I think the most sage advice I have given myself in this time of reflection is that I need to figure out how to be my own lawyer, how to be myself, how to develop myself because the lawyering stuff will fall into place. I need to focus on how to be complete. In this vein, no pun intended, I am trying to make sure to donate blood on a more regular schedule because it makes me feel more like a complete human being. I'm not going to answer my phone while doing laundry, but instead am going to read my Pretty in Plaid book (by Jen Lancaster, available in bookstores) because she makes me laugh. I'm going to figure out how to have dinner with a man at least once a month (starting out slowly) and wear something cute and/or sexy at that dinner. I already volunteer for a domestic violence project once a month which makes me feel amazing. These may seem to be little things, but by putting them down here, I realize that I haven't done ANY of them, except the date and the DV project. And, by not putting these things as priorities, I've forgotten that I AM A PRIORITY TOO.

So thank you, GP, you fabulous sage. In the words of a favorite female lawyer acquaintance friend of mine, sometimes I feel like I'm an ant carrying a grain of rice. And when that grain of rice falls, it's good to know there are other little ants there with me to help me put it back up on my back so I can keep toiling on.

The reference to ants seems particularly apropos in light of the facts that I have ants in my closet and on my clean clothes and I can't figure out where they're coming from or wtf they're after...

I Got It!!

I got the job! I don't think I could be happier about it. I'm really excited. Hooray!!! Hopefully this will be the end of my quicksand feelings. I'm doing my best to pull myself out.