Mixed Feelings

I still don't know how I passed. Only 27% of repeaters passed this July. I am extremely grateful that I passed and humbled by the experience. There are two of my fellow sufferers who are very bright and capable who didn't. I'm shocked that they didn't.

It makes me reflect on the recent fires out here in So CA. The fire would make its way through neighborhoods, sometimes burning EVERYTHING in its path, homes, pets, cars, etc. Sometimes, however, the fire would skip over certain homes and burn everything else, leaving some homes inexplicably untouched. That's how I feel about this bar exam. I was burned twice before but was inexplicably spared this time, while my neighbor and a friend got burned.

There's no rhyme or reason. I wasn't better prepared. I don't possess any superior knowledge. Frankly, I was reflecting on why I assumed that I failed. I missed a major issue on two different essays, one of which was even in the call of the question. I am sure that I also blew that executive powers essay, but I was probably spared by collective ignorance on that one. And the MBE seemed inordinately difficult this time. I would have bet money that I failed and my friend would have passed.

I am still over the moon about passing. I am so grateful to those who helped me, supported me, encouraged me. I am so blessed and believe I will be one hell of an attorney. But I am hurting for my friends because I know their pain.

I have no words of wisdom, no inside track. I think that's obvious and demonstrated by the fact that I failed twice. The only thing I can do is say what I did this time:

(1) Bar Graders essays. They give great and detailed feedback. They also were actual graders, so they can tell you what they were actually looking for, unlike BarBri, Bar Passers, etc. I highly recommend them, since they tell you tips that are NOT what BarBri is telling you. It may be the reason I passed. If I had to guess, I would say that their tips are what made the difference. Even if you don't do the graded essays, go to at least one of their seminars. I believe it's worth the money.

(2) Practical experience. Since working at a commercial real estate firm, I gained practical experience on both contracts and real property. I got lucky that they were both on the bar this time. The thing is, this is difficult to get. However, most attorneys are relatively sympathetic and have some insight to offer into your writing. So even if you don't have a job where you constantly write on your weakest subject, network or reach out to alumni who would be willing to take a look at some of your essays and/or show you some of their argumentative briefs where they lay out the law. I think this also proved invaluable.

(3) Relieve your stress at night. Do whatever puts your mind at ease the night before and each night of the bar exam. Watch tv, play a board game, computer games, hot bath, "self-attention," whatever works. I also spent about 1 hour reviewing my notes the night before. I know everyone says not to do that, but it is what put my mind at ease. I knew I was doing everything I could do without making myself nuts. My friend C went over her entire outline the night before the bar (in Alabama). It worked for her. But do whatever you have to do to force your body to relax because you can't do it on your own.

(4) Go ahead and cry. I cried, I was frustrated, and this time, I decided to let myself feel everything I was going to feel. Frankly? I was robbed last time. I deserved to pass last time. This time? I didn't study as much, as hard, or as frequently. I let myself mourn and pout and cry and whine. I also let myself come back with a vengeance. I did everything that I thought would push me over to the other side of the line. I was honest with my weaknesses and I exploited my strengths.

(5) John Holtz, not to be confused with Lou Holtz. He's the PT guru in California. I am contractually bound not to disclose his tips, but I think that they are extremely valuable. They saved me time, they helped me structure, and they helped me pass. And it's relatively moderately priced.

(6) Know that the world will still turn, the cats will still purr, the tide will still come in, and that you are superior to most of the rest of the state/country both in intellect and drive. I maintained a healthy superiority complex while preparing for the bar (which was no small feat considering I failed twice). But even when I had to fake my confidence, it still helped me attack the bar. I didn't spend time second guessing all of my MBE answers. It also helped with the essays and PT's by my checking to make sure each essay had everything I think it needed to blow the graders away. Don't focus on what you don't know or can't recall because it will shake your confidence and not accomplish anything. Bolster the rest of your arguments instead of dwelling on what you don't know.

(7) Prayer and luck. You can never have enough of either.

This post was much longer than I anticipated when I started writing. I hope that it was helpful, and please don't hesitate to ask me anything. If I can help, I'd love to. The euphoria you feel when you pass is intoxicating, and I want others to share that.